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Monday, August 15, 2016

S.F. Seen As Perfect Host City For Summer Olympics - in 2088

Posted By on Mon, Aug 15, 2016 at 11:30 AM

  • The Lancet
Those who’ve lived here long enough might remember that San Francisco really, desperately wanted to host the 2016 Olympics.

In 2005, then-Mayor Gavin Newsom put forth a bid that would have included the entire Bay Area participating in the mega-sporting event in some capacity. A year later, after the city and 49ers couldn’t figure out how to build a new stadium in San Francisco, the bid was withdrawn and the dream died.

Fast-forward 10 years, and the Olympics are in Brazil — and San Francisco has another failed hosting attempt under its belt, having lost to Los Angeles last year as the U.S. bid city for the 2024 Games. But hey, there’s some good (if frightening) news to report: Come 2088, San Francisco might be the last city in the entire United States that has a climate suitable for the Summer Olympics.

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Monday, August 8, 2016

Woman Who Attended Beyoncé, Jay Z Concert at AT&T Park Sues Over Collision

Posted By on Mon, Aug 8, 2016 at 11:15 AM

Beyoncé and Jay Z playing their very loud concert at AT&T Park on July 23, 2014. - ERIN BENSON / FLICKR
  • Erin Benson / Flickr
  • Beyoncé and Jay Z playing their very loud concert at AT&T Park on July 23, 2014.
The Giants aren’t winning many games on the field these days, but maybe they’ll have better luck in a courtroom.

San Francisco Giants Enterprises, the entity that operates AT&T Park, is being sued by a woman who claims she was injured by a ballpark employee who was driving around in a motorized cart during a Beyoncé and Jay Z tour stop in 2014, according to TMZ. Live Nation is also named in the lawsuit because the cart driver apparently worked for the concert promoter for the On the Run tour.

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Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Drayzilla Might Be World’s Scariest Movie Idea

Posted By on Wed, Aug 3, 2016 at 12:11 PM

  • Wikimedia Commons
Whether it’s porn or a horror flick, let’s all hope Drayzilla never comes to fruition.

Golden State Warriors star Draymond Green and crotches are getting a lot of attention these days. That can be expected when you’re suspended from the NBA Finals for accumulating too many flagrant fouls (two of which involved other players’ manhood) and then months later you’re offered a starring role in an adult film after you Snapchat a picture of your junk.

Vivid Entertainment, the porn company famous for its Kim Kardashian sex tape, thinks Draymond would be perfect for its next project, offering him $100,000 to be in Drayzilla. We’re not sure what exactly the story arc would be, or who would co-star with Draymond, but does that really matter when it comes to porn?

What does matter, at least if you share the court with Draymond, is killing this story fast. It’s doubtful Draymond needs advice on what to do here, but according to this celebrity gossip blog, teammates like Steph Curry are hoping the film never happens.

“Steph and the gang would never try to prevent Draymond from making his money, but doing porn before the 2017 season where the Warriors are the chosen ones to win the NBA finals, it’s not a good look,” a source tells, apparently with a straight face.

It gets better. The source, who’s obviously anonymous and might not even be real, went on to say that while Draymond probably has plenty in the bank because he’s a professional athlete, and a very talented one at that, “if he were really serious about doing that for money, Steph and the team would match that $100K to keep Draymond’s clothes on and keep him focused on basketball.”

Great idea, guys. However, this is likely to follow Draymond around for a while. He’s known as quite the trash-talker, which makes him a target, and his Olympics teammates are already getting in on the action.
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Friday, June 17, 2016

Ayesha Curry Was Right: Her Father Looks Nothing Like This Con Artist

Posted By on Fri, Jun 17, 2016 at 11:22 AM

Neither of these men look like the other. - TUMBLR/INSTAGRAM
  • Tumblr/Instagram
  • Neither of these men look like the other.
It was a rough night all around for the Golden State Warriors and most human beings associated with the NBA's winningest team. Shoved around, swatted aside, and in every way beaten by LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 6 of the NBA Finals on Thursday, Steph Curry & Co.'s woes extended to his family in the crowd. 

By now, tribal people in the Brazilian rainforest have likely sent crying Michael Jordan memes to Ayesha Curry, who angrily tweeted that the NBA Finals are rigged. (She since deleted the tweet during what turned into an illuminating discussion of who we are and what we use Twitter for.)

She also tweeted that authorities at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland had "racially profiled" her father, who was nearly arrested/had his game credentials taken away, depending on who you listen to.
Later, NBA officials told The Undefeated's Marc J. Spears that they had confused Ayesha's father — who no news source appears able to call by name, and nor can we — with a famous con artist... who looks very little like Ayesha Curry's father. 

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Monday, April 4, 2016

Giants' Other Even Year Tradition: Hunter Pence's Scooter is Stolen, Again

Posted By on Mon, Apr 4, 2016 at 10:53 AM


When moving about town, local wild-eyed eccentric Hunter Pence — a resident of the South of Market area, where he plays professional baseball for the local club — is known to use an electric scooter. Pence's penchant is well-known: following the infamous theft and recovery of his scooter in 2014, after it was purloined outside of Epic Roasthouse, it's even been immortalized on a bobblehead.

As baseball players have been known to say, it's deja vu all over again: Pence's recovered scooter, donated to the Make A Wish Foundation, has been stolen for a second time, according to NBC Bay Area. This time, it was swiped right out of the foundation's offices, where Pence had donated it for charity.

Misfortune! Calamity! Except, consider: the last time this happened was in 2014, in another even year — when the Giants, as they've done the last half-decade, went ahead and won the World Series. If this is an omen, Giants fans will take it.

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Friday, February 19, 2016

With Tim Lincecum Gone, Who is the Stoner's Favorite Giant?

Posted By on Fri, Feb 19, 2016 at 12:00 PM

  • Tim Weedecum/Facebook
Beat the drum and hold the phone, the sun has come out every day this February — the month that baseball season officially begins. And it’s 2016, another even year for Giants fans. That means that not only are fans really high, but so are the expectations.

Pitchers and catchers reported to spring training camps in Arizona, where the Giants do this annual stretching and throwing ritual, and in Florida this week (where someone formerly known as Pablo Sandoval is working). The world is still still waiting on  Donald Trump to point out how many immigrants play baseball, but it shouldn’t be long.

You may be aware the Giants made three key acquisitions in the offseason. If you want to read about how good or bad they’re going to be, head over to one of the millions of sports websites that pay people to pontificate on such matters.

And then move on quickly, because right now in San Francisco Giants fandom land, only two things matter: that even-year bullshit whereby the team has won the past three even-year World Series, and the cold, hard fact — which still surprises casual fans — that beloved pitcher Tim Lincecum is no longer wearing the orange and black.

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Wednesday, February 10, 2016

FBI Releases Post-Super Bowl Trafficking Stats, But Says It Doesn’t Track the Number of Prostitutes Arrested

Posted By on Wed, Feb 10, 2016 at 12:28 PM

As SF Weekly reported a couple of weeks ago, the Bay Area’s anti-human trafficking operations during the Super Bowl were no joke. More than 50 organizations, an army of 5,000 trained volunteers, and a who’s who of federal law enforcement agencies — including the FBI and Department of Homeland Security — descended on six area counties to rescue trafficked women and arrest their alleged pimps, some of whom had supposedly crossed state lines to work the big game.

In the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, there was a round of press conferences and bluster from City Hall and the SFPD about cracking down on traffickers. An anti-trafficking ad campaign plastered bus shelters and public transit. Hotel workers were trained, like watchdogs, to recognize pimps and sic the cops on them. Trafficking specialists breezed into town from points north and exhorted their Christian cohorts to help the victims.

It was a sprawling effort, but did it make a difference?

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Monday, February 8, 2016

The Super Bowl is Over, But Questions About What Really Happened to the Homeless Remain

Posted By on Mon, Feb 8, 2016 at 11:44 AM

  • Euan/Flickr

Now that the Super Bowl is over (sorry, Panthers fans) and Justin Herman Plaza can return to its usual state, we may ask: How did the city do taking care of the homeless during the big hoopla?

Well, a Washington D.C.-based league of lawyers dedicated to protecting the homeless says we did a bang-up job that future Super Bowls should emulate. Also, we did a terrible job that possibly violated people’s rights and put them in danger.

It’s complicated.

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Friday, February 5, 2016

Macy's Promises Not To Trash Beach with Tonight's Super Bowl Fireworks

Posted By on Fri, Feb 5, 2016 at 1:50 PM


Earlier in the week, evidence of the good time we're all having with Super Bowl 50 washed up on the beach at Aquatic Park, where National Parks Service rangers spent a few hours raking up what appeared to be the empty shells and scraps from spent fireworks.

Environmental groups like S.F. Baykeeper have contacted who they believe to be the responsible party: a fireworks company hired by Macy's, which set off a bunch of fireworks earlier in the week to mark the opening of San Francisco's current crown jewel, the Baghdad Green Zone fortified encampment known as "Super Bowl City."

And tonight, when the retailer is expected to fund yet another pyrotechnics spectacular, Macy's totally promises not to trash the beaches again. Because the one lesson of Super Bowl 50 is this: learning from your mistakes. Right? 

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Thursday, February 4, 2016

In Continuing Bid for Relevance, Infamous Hate Group Plans to Protest at the Super Bowl

Posted By on Thu, Feb 4, 2016 at 11:51 AM

  • Travis Wise/Flickr

With the Super Bowl and its thousands of revelers in town, there’s no better time to garner attention for good old-fashioned hate speech. A group infamous for staging homophobic protests plans to do just that.

As Hoodline first noted, the Westboro Baptist Church—the late Fred Phelps’ small but media-savvy family clan, best known for picketing the funerals of Iraq war veterans, and for carrying protest signs emblazoned with “God hates fags”—WBC has tweeted their intention to make a scene on game day.

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  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"