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Friday, April 1, 2016

Welcome to Salesforce, California: City Sells Naming Rights To Tech Titan

Posted By on Fri, Apr 1, 2016 at 6:00 AM

click to enlarge sf-giants.jpg

In a landmark deal that will allow (most) of the City by the Bay's iconic branding to stay the same, Mayor Ed Lee announced the exclusive sale of municipal naming rights to local tech giant Salesforce.

"For too long, the city of innovation and ideas has been held back by tired, old branding," said Lee, the mayor of the freshly-renamed City and County of Salesforce. "This new, innovative rebranding deal allows the city of St. Francis to become the city of #stayingbranded."

The city entertained several other offers, Lee confirmed on Friday, April 1, but Salesforce's bid was by far most convenient.

"This way, we don't need to buy new hats," Lee added, donning his new favorite SalesForce Giants hat. "Welcome to Salesforce, California! And go Giants!"

And if "Salesforce" is too much of a mouthful, "you can feel free to call it," Salesforce (the company) CEO Marc Benioff said. "Only annoying white people and transplants will complain," he noted.

"It's only fitting that the city my company calls home be called my company," added Benioff, a noted and honored civic philanthropist.

"After all," he said at an invitation-only announcement at The Battery, "why fight City Hall when you can buy it?"

Under the deal, exact terms of which were shared among City Hall staffers via personal email accounts and then "accidentally" deleted before the April 1 announcement, municipal workers have already begun replacing street signs and updating stationary to reflect this new milestone in civic innovation. 

Other branding opportunities remain for other local companies, Lee confirmed: already, the city's intravenous drug users in Mid-Market will be able to discard used hypodermic needles in Dropboxes.

The mayor's opposition on the Board of Supervisors went mysteriously missing and unavailable for comment. "We'll go looking for them," Salesforce police department Chief Greg Suhr said. "Eventually."

Benioff's bold move is already making waves in Silicon Valley. 

Venture capitalist Ron Conway is locked in talks with Caltrans to call El Camino Real "The Ron Con-way," but "just not the trashy bits in San Bruno," he said, according to sources. 
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