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Thursday, November 19, 2015

International Men's Day Part II: BURN IT ALL DOWN

Posted By on Thu, Nov 19, 2015 at 4:07 PM

click to enlarge Give it up boys, it's time to go home. - TOMS RIVER FIRE DEPT/FLICKR
  • Toms River Fire Dept/Flickr
  • Give it up boys, it's time to go home.

We thought we had said our piece about International Men's Day in San Francisco, but the good people at SFist have drawn our attention to an actual dumpster fire of maleness that cannot, on this holy day of men, pass unnoticed. 

Apparent actual human person Steven Tang, an employee of (no, it couldn't be) a tech company, published a Medium post on this day of all days, performing a complicated statistical analysis of San Francisco's so-called "49ers" — i.e. women who are "fours" but act like they're "nines." 

"There’s a joke that I’ve heard passed around the circles of frustrated single men in San Francisco," sayeth apparent actual human person Steven Tang. "They claim that this city is home to 49ers — girls that are 4’s but think they’re 9’s in terms of attractiveness. Whether the ineptitude of San Franciscan men or the confidence of San Franciscan women bears responsibility for this sentiment I cannot say, but it did make me curious about whether the numbers might be able to reveal anything."

Tang goes on to use fancy things like NUMBERS AND MATH to work out some issues that are better dealt with via therapy/porn. But why deal with the complexity of human relationships when you can reduce them to numbers? This is serious business guys. And serious business is always QUANTIFIABLE. To wit: "The hottest guy/girl in SF is a 10 and the ugliest is a 0, irrespective of how attractive people in New York are." That's some deep ass shit right there. 

click to enlarge NUMBERS AND MATH - STEVEN TANG/MEDIUM
  • Steven Tang/Medium
  • NUMBERS AND MATH

Apparent actual human person Steven Tang has to make a couple of, er, leaps to make his analysis work:

Here are the rules of our dating game:
  1. People will date based solely based on attractiveness score.
  2. Single men will only date single women and vice versa.
  3. Assuming every single person in SF was required find a partner, they’ll match with the most attractive partner they can find.
The last behavior is the most important one. A 10 woman will date a 10 man since it’s optimal for both to date one another. However, a 0 woman doesn’t have to date a 0 man. In the 20–34 group, there are 11,617 more men than women, so if all dating follows rule 3, the 11,617 least attractive men in SF won’t find a mate. The least attractive woman in SF should be able to date the 11,618th most attractive man in SF and that man is definitely not a 0.
Those are some cool ass rules that have no basis in reality but who cares? NUMBERS!!!!!

click to enlarge GRAPHS AND EQUATIONS!!!! - STEVEN TANG/MEDIUM
  • Steven Tang/Medium
  • GRAPHS AND EQUATIONS!!!!

After doing a bunch of number stuff, apparent actual human person Steven Tang comes to a shocking conclusion based on completely specious assumptions: "We can definitively say that girls who are 4's probably don’t think they are 9s, despite the gender disparity in SF singles. In the 20–34 age group, 4's more likely think they’re somewhere around 4.393."

Bitches walking round like they're 4.393s when they're straight up 4.000s, amirite? 

But let's not forget the real victims, says Steven Tang, apparent actual human person: "The ones who have it really bad are the guys at the bottom of the spectrum. That’s where the difference is largest, and if you’re below a 2 or 3, you probably won’t find any matches." 

via GIPHY

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY EVERYONE. 
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About The Author

Julia Carrie Wong

Bio:
Julia Carrie Wong's work has appeared in numerous local and national titles including 48hills, Salon, In These Times, The Nation, and The New Yorker.

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