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Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Hillary Clinton Is A Total Dom Top Now

Posted By on Tue, Apr 14, 2015 at 8:00 AM

BOTTOM FOR HILLARY
  • Bottom for Hillary

Hillary Clinton kicked off her presidential campaign with a video that included several non-threatening LGBT couples, but only a day later, her momentum has gotten an extra boost from some bawdy, zealous supporters who were Ready for Hillary after a big hit of poppers. Not since your grandma Googled “Santorum” has something this racy floated to the top of the political discourse.

Bottoms for Hillary first appeared Sunday on Dolores Park’s Fruit Shelf in the form of a much-Instagrammed cardboard cut-out that was briefly more popular than the Truffle Guy (a staunch Elizabeth Warren supporter). The creation of a gay-identified San Francisco who goes only by his first name (Ryan) and who swears it's not just a joke, Bottoms for Hillary is destined to last approximately one news cycle while the Clinton campaign must slog on for another year-and-a-half.

If accurate, it would mean that approximately one-half of the gay male population supports the former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State in her quest to become the first female president. Not only would they yank hard on her lever in the privacy of the voting booth, they’re prepared to take things even further, placing a level of trust in her as their Commander-in-Chief and SIR that is seldom enjoyed by any leader irrespective of gender, the amount of body hair, or who paid for dinner.

Whether this can actually help Mrs. Clinton remains to be seen. While a rough idea of what bottoming is has probably, um, penetrated the mainstream American consciousness by now, it should be noted that the use of the hashtags #yeskween and #onfleek is probably going to confuse nine in ten swing voters, especially in key states like Ohio where everybody pretends they’re such a top.

Circuit Otters for Rand and Big Butch Dykes for Jeb were unavailable for comment.
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About The Author

Peter Lawrence Kane

Bio:
Peter Lawrence Kane is SF Weekly's Arts Editor. He has lived in San Francisco since 2008 and is two-thirds the way toward his goal of visiting all 59 national parks.

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