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Thursday, February 5, 2015

Bitter Lovers Can Adopt Cuddly Cockroach for Their Exes on Valentine's Day

Posted By on Thu, Feb 5, 2015 at 11:19 AM

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Out of consideration for you, we were going to avoid the topic of Valentine's Day altogether this year. But plans changed after this one pitch came across our desk: Adopt a cockroach and name it after your (least) favorite ex-lover. 

The San Francisco Zoo has found a way for everyone to participate in Valentines Day this year, including bitter, screwed-over singles. Instead of buying yourself a box of candy and sulking on the sofa, how about shelling out some cash to name a four-inch hissing cockroach after someone you once dated.  

It's worth noting that the Madagascar hissing cockroach is believed to be the only insect that can hiss this Hallmark holiday away. 

If a cockroach doesn't quite capture how you feel about your ex, perhaps a hairy scorpion will.

click to enlarge img_scorpion_325.jpg
For starters, they sting like hell (hurtful), they're aggressive (rude), active (player!), and alarmingly nocturnal (read: parties too much). Sound familiar? 

Per the Zoo:
Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or "caves." Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.
But guess what. You can finally channel all that pent up rage and hurt into a great cause.

Your unusual Valentine's Day donation will be used to support these generally unloved insects and further the San Francisco Zoological Society's mission to connect people to wildlife, inspire caring for nature, and advance conservation action. 
"With a little luck, this generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that you never have to encounter a cockroach again," according to the Zoo.

Let the healing begin. 

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.

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