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Monday, January 19, 2015

San Francisco Giants Searching for Ballpark Workers: Do You Have What it Takes?

Posted By on Mon, Jan 19, 2015 at 12:30 PM

Cleanup on aisle six!
  • Cleanup on aisle six!
Amid offseason transactions, the San Francisco Giants have advertised a need for ballpark workers on the same place they apparently picked up Nori Aoki: Craigslist. 

Your World Champion Giants are in the market for ushers, Fan Lot attendants, events staff, recycling center workers, maintenance employees, field crew, and a third baseman. Each position comes with surprisingly detailed requirements. If a career in ballpark service sounds appetizing, check out these stipulations:  

Ushers are required to be "helpful and courteous at all times" and "positive and practical in trying to solve problems." More specifically, you must :

  • Escort or direct guests to their proper seat location and wipe the seats they will be occupying. (You may not accept tips for this service); Okay, how about bribes? 

  • In the event of a foul ball hit in your area, check for injuries, summon First Aid if necessary and follow up with a Giants Incident Report. Also watch for confrontations resulting from these souvenirs; You may not accept tips for arbitrating these confrontations

  • Walk your aisle every half-inning starting at the top of the third inning. The reserved area is also part of your responsibilities when there is only one usher in the aisle. Remain on the rail facing the spectators and observing the crowd until the first batter is announced. As you return to your position, look for any irregularities such as cans or bottles in the seating area. Be alert to objects being thrown from the View Level, Suites and Club Level. Be alert in a positive and practical way. 

Fan Lot attendants, the team's carnies working the speed pitch, slide, and tiny ballpark, are also urged to be courteous and safe (which is good, because the Coke bottle slide is a lawsuit magnet). As such, you must:

  •  Do [an] accurate, daily count of slide users if working slide entrance, and turn in to Supervisor at end of shift.

  • Close the slide if a guest is injured on trip down the slide. Slide will remain closed until proper inspection has taken place by Ballpark Operations.

  • Assist with emergency situations effectively and efficiently including, lost or found children, medical issues, etc.

  • Always stress safety, whether it is monitoring the top of the slides, the bottom of the slides, or any other potentially dangerous area.
The things you find on the Internet...
  • The things you find on the Internet...
Ballpark Operations Event Staff are the roadies; they build up and tear down as necessary. It'd be great if you had a year or more experience in a related field; know how to drive a forklift; and can climb ladders, kneel, crouch, or haul about 60 pounds if needed. That means it'll take two of you to move around Nori Aoki. 

Recycling Center Staff have to sort through garbage, uneaten ballpark fries and hot dogs, and a surprising amount of smuggled-in bottles and cans, which sounds like a hell of a job to have

Maintenance Staff have it even better. They must "respond to any spills and/or any other cleaning-related duties when dispatched accordingly" and clean "public restrooms [and] defecting toilets." It's hard to clean a toilet dead-set on fleeing to behind the Iron Curtain; skilled applicants only, please. 

And, finally, the groundscrew is responsible for keeping immaculate the field on which millionaire ballplayers spit seeds and tobacco juice. 

You can apply here. Remember: It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. Play ball! 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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