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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

"Angry, Hairy, Man-Hating" Lesbian Offers to Ruin Your Family Thanksgiving

Posted By on Wed, Nov 26, 2014 at 12:08 PM

click to enlarge Perfect date! (Also, this is not the actual picture of the CL poster) - FLICKR/]°
  • flickr/]°
  • Perfect date! (Also, this is not the actual picture of the CL poster)
Unless you're an "angry lesbian," an angry lesbian maybe isn't someone you want to spend the rest of your life with (or maybe you do). Having said that, if you hate your family, then an angry lesbian tends to make the perfect Thanksgiving date. 

So for those of you looking to stir up some family drama to go with your turkey and stuffing tomorrow, this "angry, hairy, man-hating lesbian" is offering her services: to grind her axe right there at the dinner table. 

A 36-year-old San Francisco lesbian posted an ad on Craigslist, titled "Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your folks? Bring home a raging lesbian with an axe to grind*!" She offers to do one if not all of the following as your Thanksgiving date: 

  • Roundly chastise your family for celebrating Genocide Day

  • Loudly reject half the menu for ethical and food allergy reasons, then pretend to go into anaphylactic shock from eating an allergen

  • Make much of my chemical sensitivities and accost scent-wearing culprits about the harmful effects of phthalates

  • Start political debates with your problematic uncle and pull no punches in telling him about himself

  • Pretend to assume that everyone is gay and make conversation incredibly awkward on this basis. (To your dad: "So when did you come out?")

  • Talk about being a witch (especially good if your people are Christian)

  • Propose to you in front of everyone (complete with confusing anti-State sanctioned marriage diatribe)

  • Spend most of the meal "text messaging my 14 cats"

  • Generally make this a holiday no one will ever forget

  • Possibly ensure that you'll have an easy "out" from family functions, from now on

  • *I can literally bring a labrys if you want me to.

If this all sounds fun to you, hit her up on Craigslist

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.

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