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Monday, April 21, 2014

Faux Willie Brown: Leland Yee's Alleged Gun-Running Is Mere Child's Play

Posted By on Mon, Apr 21, 2014 at 2:32 PM

What Leland Yee did wasn't gun running, per se - FLICKR/SFTREASUREHUNT
  • flickr/sftreasurehunt
  • What Leland Yee did wasn't gun running, per se

By Faux Willie Brown

I've gotten around to reading the indictment against State Senator Leland Yee, and for the life of me I can't see what all the fuss is about.

When all is said and done, his alleged crimes come down to serving as a middle man between Chinese mobsters and Pilipino gangsters to smuggle munitions to an unknown location.

Every gun show in Texas does worse than that. Hell, isn't that what the Cow Palace in Daly City is for?

His real problem was that there's just no money in shoulder fired missiles. The margins are too low and the technology changes too quickly. Selling anything smaller than Weapons of Mass Destruction is a suckers game: like journalism or teaching.

Now back when I was mayor, you could make a decent living having an intern sell small arms out of the East Light Vestibule, next to the County Clerk's office. Every time a Hollywood action movie came out or the Crips moved past 26th Street, it was payday.

The only problem was the interns: you tried to explain, if anybody ever asks "do you take food stamps or meth?" the answer is always: "Cash only." But these Millennials -- they never listen. You'd end up with tickets to their friend's DJ set and a prescription bottle of Adderall.

That's why, for the last 12 years, all my pimps have been senior citizens.

If I were still in office, I wouldn't even return the phone calls of people who were looking for something less deadly than air borne pathogens. Germ warfare: there's money there. I'm sure of it.

But that kind of thing is never be more than a side job, if you know what you're doing. And poor Leland Yee didn't -- that was the problem. The only thing he did wrong was to mistake his real work ... which as a California politician is making money off building permits ... with his side job, collecting campaign contributions and possibly serving as a Mexican drug mule. It really depends on your district.

That makes him a bad public servant, and it means there's no place in politics for him. But none of this should land him in jail. Why should Leland Yee be the only politician in America who takes gun laws seriously?

But I'll tell you who this whole thing is good news for: law enforcement.

If the leadership of the Chinese mafia thinks Leland Yee is the politician they should get into bed with, they're doing a lot worse than anybody thought.

Benjamin Wachs is a literary chameleon

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