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In a groundbreaking finding certain to be much tweeted and retweeted, a study this month claims Twitter usage leads to greater probabilities of "infidelity, breakup, and divorce."
The paper, authored by University of Missouri graduate student Russel Clayton, makes the somewhat redundant-sounding claim "that active Twitter use leads to greater amounts of Twitter-related conflict." After all, one rarely hears of Twitter-related conflict among the Bushmen of the Kalahari, for example.
More to the point, however, Clayton claims this "Twitter-related conflict" leads to "negative relationship outcomes," regardless of how long those relationships withstood the test of time in a pre-Twitter age.
Clayton set out to discover whether the paired-up tweeter is facing enhanced odds of "emotional cheating, physical cheating, relationship breakup, and divorce." He tweeted out a 20-question survey and, in the end, got 581 takers.
Participants were queried "How often do you have an argument with your significant other as a result of excessive Twitter use?" and "How often do you have an argument with your significant other as a result of viewing friends' Twitter profiles?" to establish the existence of "Twitter-related conflict."
They were also asked, rather directly, "Have you emotionally cheated on your significant other with someone you have connected or reconnected with on Twitter?" "Have you physically cheated on your significant other with someone you have connected or reconnected with on Twitter?", and "Has Twitter led to a breakup/divorce?"
Running the results through a series of complex analyses (
which you can read about in detail here), Clayton reaches the following conclusion:
The results from this study show that active Twitter use leads to greater amounts of Twitter-related conflict among romantic partners, which in turn leads to infidelity, breakup, and divorce. ... Twitter and Facebook use can have damaging effects on romantic relationships.
Or, as your humble narrator has heard, from time to time, within his own home: "STOP CHECKING YOUR DAMN TWITTER ACCOUNT! GODDAMMIT, I HATE TWITTER!"
Yes, dear.
