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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

49ers-Seahawks Game "Rigged," Claims Much-Viewed Video

Posted By on Tue, Feb 4, 2014 at 2:30 PM

That was an obvious hold. How deep does this go?
  • That was an obvious hold. How deep does this go?

If YouTube had existed during the era of the Zapruder film, it's likely the American people never would have fulfilled the grand scheme of dearly departed President Kennedy of landing a man on the moon. 

They'd have been wasting too much time on YouTube. 

Well, we've got YouTube now. And we can piss away jaw-dropping amounts of time hatching conspiracy theories about matters far less consequential than assassinating a Commander-In-Chief. 

Nearly 170,000 people -- and counting -- have viewed this turgid, 15-minute video claiming the outcome of the 49ers-Seahawks NFC Championship Game was preordained, and is the latest in a series of "rigged" National Football League contests.  

In summary, wholly unsubstantiated claims that the NFL has been fixing games since the early 2000s are backed up with 15 minutes worth of arrows and freeze-frames of the game. These establish nothing more than the Niners being the recipients of some pretty rough calls, which induced coach Jim Harbaugh to leap around like Baryshnikov on a heated floor. 

The presence of the Illuminati remains undocumented. 

Doing the math, if every last viewer somehow stuck out this YouTube ordeal to the end, 40,937 hours of time was expended watching NFL conspiracy-mongering. That's 1,705 solid days -- four years, eight months of wasted lives. 

The conspiracy theorist claims the 49ers had to take the fall, you see? This way the NFL was able to shoehorn the marquee matchup of Seattle's No. 1 defense against Denver's No. 1 offense in the Super Bowl. 

First off, it makes little sense that a truly rigged league would allow two deeply polarizing and unlikable teams like Seattle and San Francisco into the national spotlight in the first place. 

And, if Seattle-Denver was some sort of master plan, it certainly didn't work out well for the league. The Seahawks scored 36 unanswered points en route to a 43-8 victory in what could be the most unwatchable of all Super Bowls. 

Which is just as they planned it! Oh, these guys are good. And this goes deep. Everyone's in on it. The NFL, the NSA, the CIA, the WTC, the Book of the Month Club -- everyone. 

Don't say you weren't warned. 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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