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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Tom Perkins on Comparing S.F. Progressives to Nazis: "I Was Misunderstood"

Posted By on Wed, Jan 29, 2014 at 6:45 AM

click to enlarge What I meant to say is this: Jews are actually way better than the 1 percent
  • What I meant to say is this: Jews are actually way better than the 1 percent

By Faux Tom Perkins

I was shocked to see all the hubbub after the Wall Street Journal published my letter comparing Progressive criticism of the richest one percent of Americans to the persecution of Jews in Nazi Germany.

I believe this is the result of a simple misunderstanding.

To be clear: I in no way meant to suggest that progressives are Nazis. The idea is ridiculous: Occupy Wall Street lacks the precision of even the smallest Nazi parade. Nor do progressives, in their thrift shop hand-me-downs, ever approach the stylish, clean-cut spiffiness of a Storm Trooper in dress regalia.

There's simply no comparison.

No. What I meant to say is that people who criticize the rich are as evil as Nazis. Or more. Not that they possess the iron will or strength of purpose of Nazis, let alone the pure blood. I apologize if there was any confusion.

But there shouldn't have been: Progressive leaders like Noam Chomsky and Elizabeth Warren could never manage a successful invasion of Poland. We all know it.

I hope that clarifies what I meant. Obviously, there was a misinterpretation.

Neither did I mean to suggest that the richest 1 percent of Americans are in any way like the Jews living in Nazi German. The Jews in Germany didn't create nearly as many jobs. Frankly they were underperforming. I imagine their descendants are horrified. Someone ought to have done something about it.

But of course I would never endorse anything like Hitler's "Final Solution," however well -meaning, because the creation of that many gas chambers around the country would likely increase federal spending to unacceptably high levels. The likelihood of a tax increase to pay for all the chlorine gas is simply too great a risk.

It would be monstrous. It would be a travesty, one that the world could only look on in horror as our national debt skyrocketed by almost $50,000 per Jew.

Can you imagine? What would you tell your children?

How could you say "I was there when the rich were asked to pay additional marginal taxes on income over $10 million, and I did nothing?"

It won't happen on my watch, I can tell you that: I'll hide canisters of Zyklon B gas in my attic, if need be, to protect them from federal overreach. I'll help Treasury notes cross the border under dead of night, if that's what it takes. As a man of conscience I must do anything I can to preserve our credit rating in the face of barbarism. Like all educated people, I have looked at the events of World War II and said "never again!" Never again can we allow marginal tax rates on the wealthy to increase during a period of potential currency inflation. Not if we want to call ourselves civilized.

What other lesson could you take from those terrible events?

Yet progressives don't think about this when they criticize the rich, and now we live in terror, afraid to leave our mansions except to take our Lamborginis to the airport, board our private jets, and go to Davos or the French Riviera.

You monsters. What if I wanted to walk down the block, perhaps to buy it, so that it could be turned into luxury condos? Can you imagine the fear and shame I would feel, bumping into one of you, hearing your opinions?

It's a travesty. I haven't been able to attend a TED Talk since they went "business casual," if you know what I mean.

But clearly I wasn't comparing anyone to the Nazis. At least the Nazis knew how to support private industry -- another way progressives fall short. It was private industry, like the IG Farben cartel, that built Auschwitz, you know, not the government: Hitler just took all the credit. But he was there for us when it counted, dispensing vital contracts for barbed wire, bullets, and deregulating the market for soap. And you know what that did? It created jobs. Jobs for interrogators. Jobs for cattle-car operators. Jobs for oven technicians.

But no one ever says "thank you" to job creators like us. And that's why I fear for this country. In fact, I have come to believe that only a strong leader can turn the tide and save us. Only a man who can put the progressives in their place, send them back to their encampments, where they belong. A man who can govern this unruly country, in this treacherous time, through pure strength of will, protecting us from the tainted blood that sickens our land and soul, and giving us room to grow.

And you're not going to get that from progressives.

That's all I meant.

Benjamin Wachs is a literary chameleon


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Benjamin Wachs

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