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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Homophobic Baker Would Rather Go to Jail than Make Wedding Cakes for Gays

Posted By on Wed, Dec 11, 2013 at 7:10 AM


We recently told you about the bizarre, yet surprisingly prevalent trend of bakeries denying goods and services to gay people, the rationale behind it being that mixing up some flour and eggs somehow violates their pact with Jesus. We joked that if a business owner held such a discriminatory and backwards belief, then his/her business ought to lose dough, and that's exactly what's happening with Masterpiece Cakeshop owner Jack Phillips in Colorado.

Last week, judge Robert N. Spencer ruled that Phillips will face fines if he doesn't "cease and desist from discriminating" against LGBT couples, a ruling that came after he refused to sell a wedding cake to a gay couple last year. On Tuesday, Phillips went on Fox News' Fox & Friends and said he'd rather go to jail than make a wedding cake for a gay couple, which is perhaps the most absurd sentence in the history of ever.

"Why is it important for you to have a business and not have to abandon personal religious beliefs just to make a buck?" Host Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked, as the tagline "SO MUCH FOR FREEDOM" flashed by.

"I believe that's what God's designed for me to do," Phillips said, no doubt referring to the Biblical teachings on butt sex and floral piping.

He further explained: "As a follower of Jesus Christ, I don't believe that's what he wants me to do. And so my priorities would be towards my faith rather than towards my safety or security."

This is the same bakery, it should be noted, that had no problem making a cake for a wedding between two dogs. In regard to canine nuptials, Jesus was quoted as saying, "There's just something about a dog in a tuxedo that gets me every time."

In regard to gays, Jesus says in the Bible that ... Hmm, that's odd. We swore it was in here somewhere.

Though Phillips is playing up the martyred card big time, (Seriously, jail time? You'd go to prison rather than make a gay souffle?!) it is illegal to discriminate against people based on sexual orientation in Colorado, and no amount of Fox News appearances is going to save him or his business if he doesn't straighten up and fly left. 

"We would close down the bakery before we would compromise our beliefs, so that may be what it comes to," Phillips said. "We'll see."

We'll see, indeed. Until then, we'll leave you with these words of wisdom, which also come from Jesus, we're pretty sure: Loaf is all you need.

Follow @annapulley on Twitter. She'll tweet you right.

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Anna Pulley


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