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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

San Francisco Bulls Invite You to Spend Your Last Day on Earth Watching Live Hockey

Posted By on Wed, Dec 19, 2012 at 4:13 PM


We can't think of a better way to spend your last day on Earth than a minor league hockey game. This Friday -- the much-anticipated 12-21-12 -- the San Francisco Bulls are hosting an "It's the End of the World as We Know it" game.

Even if you don't like hockey, the team has a persuasive pitch. When the Mayan calendar proves correct, and the seas rise and the ground opens and the locusts descend, the Cow Palace -- which "has withstood over half a century of storms earthquakes and mobs" -- "may be the safest place to be on Doomsday."

Also, the ice should help cool you as the planet rockets toward the sun.

See Also: Puck Yeah: Taking the Ice with the S.F. Bulls

"Those that can prove that they sought refuge in Bugarach, France, but were denied entry, are allowed to seek refuge at the Cow Palace, free of charge the night of December 21," the team said in a statement. "Please note, you must seek shelter elsewhere at the conclusion of the game."

As SF Weekly's Joe Eskenazi explained in last month's feature story, "Puck Yeah," Bulls CEO Joe Wagoner embraces creative thinking:

Like all minor-league teams, the Bulls aren't just selling sports -- they're selling entertainment. Wagoner's ideas on how to deliver the latter tend to the distinctive. When he was working for the Sacramento Mountain Lions of the now-defunct United Football League, nonprofit workers were outfitted in padded suits. They were then given a five-second head start to run as far as they could through the end zone and onto the field before a trained attack dog was released. The more yards they ran before being taken out, the more money was donated to their charities. Fans of the Sioux Falls Canaries baseball team, Wagoner reminisces, were invited to bet on how many balloons it would take to levitate a 3-year-old in a folding chair. The answer: 130 -- and "Thank God we had her tethered down, because no one was paying attention when she started to go up." He grins: "That would be totally illegal in California."

A printed list of memorable minor league sports gimmicks would destroy the Brazilian rain forest. But to name a few: the Daytona Cubs offered lifetime free admission to any adult who got a tattoo of the team's logo; the Wilmington Blue Rocks offered free admission to pregnant woman, and the first one to give birth after the first pitch would receive a year's supply of various baby products; the St. Paul Saints auctioned off an at-bat to the highest bidder on eBay ($5,601, and he popped out); the San Jose Giants name a "Beer Batter" every home game: before the contest, an opposing player is selected and whenever that player strikes out, the beers are half-off for the next 15 minutes.

Providing the chance of salvation during the apocalypse probably sits somewhere between a Randy Moss hood ornament giveaway and midget wrestling night.

The Bulls invite fans "to wear their best 'End of the World' outfits, be it zombies, Mayans, aliens, or grim reaper costumes." Those dressed up will receive two free tickets to the team's Dec. 28 game, in the event predictions are wrong.

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Albert Samaha


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