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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Texas Judge Hopes Obama Will Win So He'll Have an Excuse to Start Another Civil War

Posted By on Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 2:32 PM

Texas loves getting its ass kicked
  • Texas loves getting its ass kicked

You think Gov. Jerry Brown's proposed tax-increase plan is stupid? Well, at least he's not going to use that money to pay for another Civil War.

Down in Texas, a Lubbock County judge is asking voters for a 1.7 percent tax increase to pay for more cops who would fend off the feds in the pending civil war.

Now for the burning question: What civil war?

The one that Lubbock County Judge Tom Head claims is inevitable if President Obama wins another term. If and when that happens, the judge wants West Texas to be prepared.

Here's what the judge said, presumably while swishing a mouthful of Pearl or Lone Star around his thick Texas mouth:

"[Obama]'s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of

the United States to the U.N., and what is going to happen when that

happens ... I'm thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil

disobedience, civil war maybe. And we're not just talking a few riots

here and demonstrations, we're talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms

and get rid of the guy."

Does Civil War reenactments on weekend
  • Does Civil War reenactments on weekend
Head reportedly claimed that in response to this little act of sedition, Obama would send in United Nations troops.


don't want 'em in Lubbock County, OK? So I'm going to

stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say 'you're not

coming in here. And the sheriff, I've already asked him, I

said, 'You gonna back me?' He said, 'Yeah, I'll back you.' Well, I don't

want a bunch of rookies back there. I want trained, equipped, seasoned

veteran officers to back me.

So here's his plan: Hopefully, West Texas voters will be scared enough by this cowboy rhetoric to raise their own taxes, which will then go toward paying for seven more sheriff's deputies. Seven! Surely, Judge Head knows that after the repeated ass-kickings Mexico gave the Republic of Texas, he'll need a much bigger army than that to undo the federal government.

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.


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