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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monta Ellis' (Alleged) Penis Waved Around by Lawyer

Posted By on Wed, Dec 21, 2011 at 4:25 PM

click to enlarge Dunk = good. Junk = bad.
  • Dunk = good. Junk = bad.

In a likely legal first, an attorney representing a former Golden State Warriors employee who claims she received unwelcome and explicit text messages from star guard Monta Ellis brandished an enlarged photo of a schlong for the gathered hordes of media.

"We don't care if it was his or not," employment lawyer Burton Boltuch told the crowd. "But we know it came from him and he said it was his junk."

Having a penis photo waved at them seems to have unnerved both of our major dailies. The Chronicle, in a story about a man accused of sending photos of his "junk" across the Internet, referred to Ellis as "the franchise's most recognized member." The Examiner, meanwhile, described the image Boltuch displayed to the press as "a photo of a male penis." You know, as opposed to a female penis.     

Lost in the historical penis-brandishing was the etymological significance of an Ivy League-educated lawyer employing the term "junk." Perhaps J.D. really stands for "Junk Displayer."

In any event, Ellis is accused of Brett Favre-like behavior by Erika Smith, a former employee in the team's community relations department. She also filed suit against the team, accusing the Warriors of firing her in an attempt to shield their multimillion-dollar superstar. Team representatives portray the relationship between Smith and Ellis as "consensual,"  which leaves him in a precarious position with his wife and toddler son.

Where the truth lies is, of course, uncertain. But this much is clear: Those considering sending images of their genitalia via the Internet would be well advised to junk the idea. 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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