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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Muni Pain-O-Meter V. 3.0

Posted By on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 4:05 PM

click to enlarge Oh happy day... - JIM HERD

Muni Pain-O-Meter V. 1.0

Muni Pain-O-Meter V. 2.0

Pain Level: 0.5
-- A lady  boards the bus and serenades everyone with a delusional spiel about becoming mayor. I think her name is Joanna Rees.

1.5 -- 15-year-old berates his newly ex-girlfriend on the train, gesticulating wildly with right hand while holding up jeans with left hand.

2.1 -- Man sitting next to you is conversational -- and has 30-second repeating memory loop.

2.7 -- Oh, there's a reason no one was sitting in that seat!

2.9 -- Pair of men are actively engaged in discussion over what they heard on Alex Jones' radio program that evening

3.1 -- Entire elementary school class boards the L-Taraval, infects train car with contact sugar high.

3.5 -- Psychotic ex-spouse boards -- Oh, thank God. That was someone else wearing a straightjacket.

click to enlarge Really? That's the thing to do?
  • Really? That's the thing to do?

3.9 -- Life-check time! That smell -- it's coming from you.

4.3 -- No, go ahead! Listen to your voicemail on speakerphone. Be our guest!

4.7 -- Oatmeal on the train? You're eating oatmeal on the train?

5.1 -- Ingenious onboard entrepreneur manages to sell you your own possessions.

5.5 -- Man with dreadlocks brings Cerberus on the bus. Hilarity ensues.

5.9 -- Dude in a hospital gown is driving the 38 Geary today.

6.3 -- Hooray for us! We can move a streetcar six-tenths of a mile in 45 minutes!

6.6 -- We can move at the aforementioned speed while you're sitting next to a man wearing six pairs of pants!

6.9 -- So that's what it's like to be stabbed by a screwdriver!

7.5 and above -- not prime material for comedic fodder.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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