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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Which Smurf Would Your Favorite S.F. City Hall Politico Be?

Posted By on Tue, Jul 26, 2011 at 2:19 PM

  • Creepy!

If you have young kids or are some kind of weird serial killer, you've probably been eagerly anticipating the release of the 3D movie version of The Smurfs. Frankly, the appearance of these eerily topaz CGI gremlins on the big screen is not something we're so excited about.

The same cannot be said of San Francisco's city government. To honor the the summer flick from Columbia Pictures, the dome of City Hall is currently lit up blue at night, and will be through July 29. This got us thinking: Since our municipal leaders have already associated their place of business with a children's cartoon, which characters in that cartoon do they most closely resemble?

Papa Smurf: Mayor Ed Lee. He might not have the full beard, but the mustache, easy paternalism, and willingness to appease labor unions (what, you missed that episode?) all indicate that Lee is a close match for the smurfish commander-in-chief.

Smurfette: Jane Kim. It's a little-known piece of Smurfiana, but Smurfette was originally created by Gargamel, who intended her to wreak discord among his small blue enemies. If you listen to the shrieking banshees at that other weekly across town, you might be inclined to think the same of Kim. Many others simply admire her grooviness and centrist good sense.

Gargamel: Rose Pak. Evil wizards who lurk on the periphery of self-satisfied societies, Gargamel and Pak scheme constantly about how to exercise greater power over others. When their dreams are realized, and Smurf Village and City Hall fall to their depredations, who can say what will happen?

Brainy Smurf: David Chiu. Brainy and Chiu roomed together at Harvard Law School, but their relationship took an unfortunate turn when Chiu, as a rookie San Francisco prosecutor, was obligated to bring charges against his old companion for selling psilocybin mushrooms in the Panhandle. Later, Chiu agreed to bulldoze Smurf Village as part of a budget deal with former Mayor Gavin Newsom, severing his ties to Brainy for good.

Clumsy Smurf: Eric Mar. We can well imagine Mar wandering guilelessly through New York City, as Clumsy apparently does in the new 3D film, stopping to gape at the sheer variety of transfat-laced foods marketed to young children with stupid toys. But we're pretty sure that even Clumsy would have slapped his forehead at Mar's performance on The Daily Show.

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Peter Jamison


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