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Friday, May 13, 2011

Botox Mom Maybe Didn't Go Far Enough

Posted By on Fri, May 13, 2011 at 4:07 PM


By now, we've all had enough time to digest the news that Kerry Campbell gave Botox injections to her 8-year-old daughter, Britney. She also waxes Britney's legs and all her other prepubescent peach fuzz.

And she's still defending her craziness despite the fact that the San Francisco Human Services Agency is investigating her. Campbell tells media outlets, "All I want is for Britney to have the best start in life, so it is easier for her to become a superstar."

Well, shoot, if that's the case, then we think mom hasn't gone far enough to make her little girl a real woman before she hits puberty.

So here are some ideas we've come up with that would help:

1. Diet Play-Doh. Every kid loves to make colorful ice cream cones with five scoops and delicious hamburgers out of the modeling compound. But kids being kids, they will shove those models into their mouths and then what? That stuff contains flour, water, and salt -- God only knows how many calories that is.

2. Pole dancing camp: What kid doesn't love camp? Here she could quickly learn how to get in touch with her erotic creature and primal being. She could learn how to crawl that sexy crawl and give lap dances in a safe environment while wearing a fairy princess costume. Expressing yourself through movement is very important when you are 8 years old, since you do not yet have a fully developed adult vocabulary.

3. A field trip to visit Hummer Mom in prison: We admit, Christine Shreeve Hubbs, otherwise known as the Hummer mom who had sex with 14-year-old boys, has a lot to learn herself. But what she does know a lot about is inappropriate behavior -- and that could be very useful information if you are trying to make your little girl grow up fast.

4.Get her on the exclusive waiting list for rehab: Seeing that she will probably hate herself by the time she is 12 and contract all sorts of drug problems and eating disorders, it's best to get her into the finest celebrity rehab. 

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About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.


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