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Monday, November 29, 2010

49ers-Broncos 'Spygate' Story Boggles the Mind

Posted By on Mon, Nov 29, 2010 at 5:59 AM

click to enlarge Sadly, not even cheating allowed the Denver Broncos to slap these on with pride...
  • Sadly, not even cheating allowed the Denver Broncos to slap these on with pride...
The revelation that the Denver Broncos saw fit to clandestinely record the San Francisco 49ers practice sessions -- yet still lost -- is a story that truly makes not one bit of sense.

First of all, even the Niners are left acknowledging that it defies reason to figure that recording their practices would impart any advantage to the possessor of said tape. If the Niners' offense were a novel, it'd be written by Franklin W. Dixon. The team hands off the ball ad nauseum to Frank Gore, Brian Westbrook is knitting a scarf on the sidelines, and, especially prior to the London contest vs. Denver, the Niners purged the system of any semblance of nuance for quarterback Troy Smith's hasty debut.

Second, while conspiracy theory-mongering is unbecoming, it seems a

little too neat that all of the blame in this instance falls on a

shadowy peon named Steve Scarnecchia,

who, apropos of nothing, decided to tape the Niners' practice on his

own volition. Conspiracy theory hounds will be pleased to note that both Broncos coach Josh McDaniels, Scarnecchia, and Scarnecchia's father, are all former employees of the New England Patriots -- an organization that took to spying on the opposition with the fervor of the Stasi.

Presented with the tape by Scarnecchia, McDaniels

supposedly opted to Just Say No -- but didn't tell anyone about this

gross violation of the rules. It was this silence he was punished for by the league -- not the comission but the omission

You can make your own Watergate allusion,

but this seems awfully similar to H.R. Haldeman swearing that Richard Nixon didn't say "There is no problem in

raising a million dollars, we can do that," but "There is no problem in

raising a million dollars, we can do that -- but it would be wrong." We can do that thing that we did -- but it would be wrong. How convenient! 

Sadly, involvement in this petty affair may end up being the 49ers' most notable achievement this season. Meanwhile, spy films have surfaced of one Andrew Luck lighting it up in Palo Alto. Perhaps the 49ers might want to direct some attention that way.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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