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Thursday, November 4, 2010

How Brian Wilson -- or 'The Machine' -- Can Become Mayor of San Francisco

Posted By on Thu, Nov 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM

click to enlarge Our next mayor(s)?
  • Our next mayor(s)?

One of the more surreal moments during Wednesday's San Francisco Giants victory rally was Mayor Gavin Newsom suggesting bullpen ace Brian Wilson be appointed the next mayor of the city.

Wilson politely declined the overture, but said he may know someone who'd like to rule our fair city: "Where's the Machine?" For those not in the know, "The Machine" is a bondage-outfitted, masked leather dude based on a snuff film star in the movie 8MM. As part of his recurring gig on FOX Sports, Wilson had a buddy -- supposedly teammate Pat Burrell -- walk through the shot wearing leather getup. Hilarity ensued, and Wilson has repeatedly mentioned The Machine or brandished leather gimp masks during nationally televised interviews.

We love this guy in San Francisco. He's great. But can The Machine become our next mayor? The answer: Maybe.

After Gavin Newsom fulfills his longtime dream of getting out of San Francisco politics in January, it'll be the job of the current Board of Supervisors to anoint his successor. Who is eligible? Any San Franciscan of voting age. If -- and this is a big if -- Pat Burrell is The Machine, and if he lives in San Francisco, well, batter up. He's eligible to take a swing at Room 200.

If you're interested, here's the official memorandum dealing with the city's mayoral succession process.

And here's one of the more salient points: If the current board can't make up its mind on who should be the next mayor come Jan. 3, Board President David Chiu will be mayor. But when the new Board of Supervisors is sworn in just five days later, that group is entitled to choose a new mayor -- provided the current board hasn't. Confused yet? Don't be.

It's simple. If the current board officially picks a new mayor, that person will be mayor until the scheduled election in November of 2011. If not, we get Chiu for at least five days -- and for as long as the new board takes to pick someone.

It's tricky and it's arcane -- but it's how our next mayor will be chosen. Mayor Machine? We like the sound of that. And whenever anyone asks "Where's the Machine?" -- well, you could just dial one of Mayor Machine's many spokesmen.

Follow us on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF and @SFWeekly 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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