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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

World Series: Yelpers Ponder Which Giant to Sex Up

Posted By on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 11:30 AM

Your Game 1 starter, Mr. Popular...
  • Your Game 1 starter, Mr. Popular...
Your Game 1 starter, Mr. Popular...
Other than enabling horrible people to act like rock stars and allegedly extorting businesses, it turns out there's a really good use for Yelp: rating the allure of San Francisco Giants ballplayers.

The example in question is a most titillating thread titled "Which San Francisco Giant Would You Date" -- though the real question is "Which San Francisco Giant Would Date You?"

In any event, here are some of our favorite pronouncements:

  • Wow...could it be someone that is kinda Renel or

    something? At the very least Tim Lincecum since he's clearly the most


  • brian wilson, tim lincecum, madison bumgarner, jonathan sanchez, andres

    torres, freddy sanchez, cody ross & buster posey. in that order. i'm just in love with the whole damn team!

  • Right now? Cody Ross. mmm mmm love the bald and the beard.... most

    girls I know get freaked out when he screams. I think it's hot...

  • Cody is a sweetheart....He would be dating material.

  • Everyone scores on Zito...
    • Everyone scores on Zito...
    Everyone scores on Zito...
    Timmy's ideal, but a bit TOO young for me. I'd have to go for the

    original edition, Barry Zito. And Whiteside - DANG! That backup catcher

    is fine!

  • Brian Wilson or Timmy, since I bet Timmy has some killer weed.

  • Bengie, since he was *just* a Giant.  If he doesn't qualify anymore, I'll take B-Weezy obvs.

  • This one is easy. I'd go with the highest paid Giant, Barry Zito. He's rich, handsome, and he sucks.

  • I'll settle for whomever signs my ball this Wed.

And, our very favorite:

  • Tim Lincecum (get me mellow), Cody Ross (he can hit it), Jonathan

    Sanchez (magic with his small hands), Brian Wilson (can throw me

    around), Pablo Sandoval (cuddly), Tim again to start me up, and then

    Brian WIlson again to finish me off... in that order.

Play ball!

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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