Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Friday, October 8, 2010

Cocktober Surprise: An Indecent Urinal Proposal

Posted By on Fri, Oct 8, 2010 at 9:30 AM

click to enlarge It's okay! Andrew Miller is married!
  • It's okay! Andrew Miller is married!
The Week In Gay

The biggest news this week is the new term I learned: Cocktober!  Isn't that terrific?  How have I lived on this planet for multiple decades without ever referring to this month as Cocktober??

It's adorable, I tell you.

And you'll never guess how the term came to me -- via Larry Craig!

It didn't come directly from the former Idaho senator who was caught hustling a penis sandwich in an airport bathroom in Minnesota, but as the result of someone else caught doing the same thing.  As brilliant blogger Evan Hurst from Truth Wins Out points it, "If it's Cocktober, there must be a Republican official Larry Craigin' it in the bathroom" and sure enough there was!

Andrew Miller, the commissioner of the Indiana Department of Motor Vehicles, was arrested for pulling down his pants at a urinal, tickling his udder, and asking an (undercover) cop if he was going to help or just stand there and watch. Miller told the cop, "It's okay, I'm married" as a way to make massaging a stranger's dinger more appealing. He also has three kids and some explaining to do.

I'm easily amused, eh?

click to enlarge xmar21gal12.jpg
But I'm not the only one. A video featuring a shirtless (gay) handsome (gay) young man lip-syncing a routine from Saturday Night Live has been viewed by 600,000 people since it debuted on Wednesday. He does an impressive job and he has long dreamy fingers.

For entirely different reasons we are just as impressed with John Mellencamp. His people sent a cease and desist letter to the National Organization for Marriage telling them to stop using his song "Pink Houses" at their hetero supremacy rallies. The letter stated that "...Mr. Mellencamp's views on same sex marriage and equal rights for people of all sexual orientations are at odds with NOM's stated agenda."

Oh, Mr. Mellencamp -- that statement is enough to get me to dribble off my Bobby Brook's and let you do as you please!

In much more somber news, a top Apostle from the Church of Latter Day Saints (them's the Mormons) told a gathered throng of worshipers last Sunday that "...some would say [gays] were pre-set and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" (emphasis mine). Can't you just taste the contempt? This is one old angry dude.

Yesterday night in Salt Lake City, thousands of gay activists staged a silent protest outside of the Mormon church headquarters in response to the contemptuous bile spewed last weekend.

Next week we will hear from the Obama administration's Department of Justice about its plans to appeal the decision from a federal district court in Boston that declared parts of the federal Defense of Marriage Act to be unconstitutional. An appeal from the administration is a forgone conclusion, unfortunately.

President Obama's political fealty to unconstitutional law combined with the neverending drumbeat of religious intolerance creates a harmful and dangerous supremacist glue that sticks to every American -- especially every non-heterosexual teen who struggles to find support and camaraderie in a hostile world. Because there does not seem to be an end in sight to the acceptance of bigotry and political cowardice, Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project on YouTube continued to gain national attention -- from media and celebrities and opportunistic, pointlessly contrarian, gay bloggers seeking traffic.

San Francisco will hold a Stand Up to Youth Suicide rally and march tonight starting at 6:30pm at Civic Center Plaza. There will be speakers, of course, so bring a book (not really -- I'm sure the speakers will be great!).

If you are like me and you have cloned yourself you can also attend a debate between the all Super Gay candidates of District 8. Two candidates -- Scott Wiener and Rafael Mandelman -- started this week tearing at each other like rabid wolves over who loves Muni more. Friday night's debate should be a good one. Bring popcorn.

And if that's not enough excitement for you, I offer this: a meditative loop of your next Governor, Meg Whitman, contemplating either her lunch meat or the lining of her cotton panel. You decide.

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag who prefers braunschweiger in his cotton panel, thank you very much.

Follow him on Twitter at @UppityFag and @TheSnitchSF

  • Pin It

Tags: , , , , , ,

About The Author

Patrick Connors


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"