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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Caption Gavin Newsom's Fleet Week Pose!

Posted By on Wed, Oct 6, 2010 at 4:40 PM

Insert clever caption here...
  • Insert clever caption here...
Insert clever caption here...
Mayor Gavin Newsom today announced the city's "biggest fleet week celebration in 20 years" via a drier-than-dry-oatmeal press release that concluded with him quoted as lauding "skilled naval aviators of The Blue Angels, with their extraordinary airborne maneuvers."

Can you imagine Newsom saying that out loud? Is the mayor's speechwriter channeling Movietone Newsreels? On the plus side, however, the pablum statement came with the affixed intriguing photograph. Readers, let's caption this thing proper:

"I believe I can fly..."

"Little-known fact: While the Blue Angels are, indeed blue, I am informed they are not, for the record, angels."

"Okay, you're the commander. I'm the mayor. I outrank you. Gimme the jumpsuit."

"Khe Sanh, eh? Well, it just so happens I have some pretty harrowing flight stories myself! This one time at McCarran Airport after a hell of a weekend..."

"Fly me to the moon..."

Mayor Gavin Newsom, at podium, is awed by Wonder Woman's invisible jet.

"I'm pleased to announce that, for a moderate fee, the Blue Angels this year will firebomb the city supervisor of your choosing. Sadly, it is extra for the trip to Fairfield -- but I'll personally make up the difference."

"So -- ha, ha -- we were all on the Getty family jet. And Buffy and Muffy and the gang all started telling the youngest brother -- Dutch! we called him Dutch -- that if you wore these special Capezio loafers you didn't need a parachute. And he asked Micky and Vicky if it was true and they said it was. And -- ha, ha -- out he went. That was back in '87. They found one of those loafers in Sardinia about three years ago. I always liked Dutch."


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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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