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Friday, August 13, 2010

The Gay Marriage Waiting Game - The Week in Gay

Posted By on Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 8:59 AM

click to enlarge Luis Juarbe, facing camera, and Mike Reardon will just have to wait a little longer... - JOE ESKENAZI
  • Joe Eskenazi
  • Luis Juarbe, facing camera, and Mike Reardon will just have to wait a little longer...
This week was full of more of damn waiting. Just like last week. Last week we waited for Judge Vaughn Walker to decide that Prop. 8 was a piece of anti-American trash. This week we had to wait to find out if he wants Prop. 8 to stay in effect pending appeal or if same-sex couples can finally stop using the "colored only" drinking fountains of domestic partnership.   

The decision was supposed to be issued between 9 a.m. and noon yesterday

and people were peeing in wastebaskets -- true story -- at work for fear they'd miss the

breaking news if they walked away from Twitter to go to the bathroom.

Finally, at about 12:30 the news broke: Walker sort of lifted the stay on his decision, but he also sort of didn't.

The waiting was hard, although the expectation was that Walker would keep his decision on hold. And that was what happened. The patriotic Americans arguing against same-sex marriage needed more time on their appeal papers and they submitted them late on Thursday

So now we wait (again) for this stay to expire next Wednesday, Aug. 18 at 5 p.m. to see if we get to wait some more. Let's face it: Gays were born to wait. 

Life as a gay American is just like the season-ending cliff-hangers on television. We are used to being on the edge of our seats. Suspense builds and trouble is afoot and uncertainty is everywhere. And then, all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, the rebels swoop down on the church and kill everyone. 

Or so it seems. 

In the Moldavian massacre (Dynasty) there were only two deaths: Ali McGraw's character (who no one liked) and, um ... oh yeah ... Steven Carrington's boyfriend Luke. Awkward. Take comfort in the fact that while the gays continue to wait for due process and equal protection, the straights will continue to exhibit their expertise in the appropriate way to live, love and raise a family. 

Nobody does it better than the heterosexuals and this week they really showed us how they get away with flouting the tradition they impose upon us.   

Newt Gingrich's ex-wife (his second of three), Marianne, spoke to Esquire magazine about her former husband and his presidential ambitions. Marianne was the woman Newt was shacking up with while his first wife was battling cancer. Newt said that Walker's Prop. 8 decision was a "threat to our society." His ex-wife says that Newt "believes that what he says in public and how he lives don't have to be connected." His inconsistency isn't a threat to society but same-sex marriage is? Newt is a born leader.   

Who is more morally righteous than a member of the Mormon Church? No one! Mormons know which citizens are worthy of constitutional rights and which ones aren't. While the gays wait for their rights, please study the example of Christine Shreeve Hubbs from Livermore. This married mother of three is charged with 67 counts of sexual assault on two boys under the age of 15. She might go to jail but they won't take her marriage away from her -- because that's not how heterosexuals are punished when they don't follow the rules.

Some heterosexuals are celebrated no matter how badly they pervert the sanctity of marriage. Kelsey Grammer, the actor who portrayed Frazier Crane in two hit shows, has impregnated yet one more woman. And this time he isn't quite divorced from his third wife. This will be his fifth child. He hasn't yet met the parents of the latest woman he has impregnated (he is two years older than her father). Heteros don't have to live traditional lives -- they just have to impose tradition on other people. 

Kelsey, Christine and Newt are three fine examples for we gays to observe and soak in while we wait a little longer ... and then a little more longer ... and then longer still for our right to have a spouse that we can exploit, cuckold, and trade just like the fine, upstanding, morally superior heterosexuals that do not exhibit any bias when it comes to deciding our right to have a family.

Patrick Connors is a legally married uppity fag in California with a limited supply of patience.

Follow him on Twitter at @UppityFag and @TheSnitchSF  

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