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Friday, July 16, 2010

The Week in Gay: Argentina! Clay Aiken! Toilet Water!

Posted By on Fri, Jul 16, 2010 at 1:50 PM

click to enlarge In Argentina, homosexuals can now tango and marry
  • In Argentina, homosexuals can now tango and marry
This week Argentina's senate voted 33 to 27 in support of marriage equality and now it's legal down there. Frankly, I don't know a lot about Argentina. Apparently, it's winter there now. Isn't that fascinating?

Vigils were held in the "frigid" night air outside the government building in Buenos Aires where the vote was taken. Isn't that weird? Probably not. I also wonder if the water swirls in a different direction when the toilet flushes. It does, doesn't it? [Ed.: That depends on the toilet.]

I'm thrilled for Argentina, but things aren't progressing very well for the gays here in North America. At least not in the United States of America they aren't.

Lots of gay gas was expelled this week over Don't Ask Don't Tell. The week started with bursts of outrage over the survey sent out by the Pentagon asking the 400,000 troops all sorts of weird questions about homoseckshuls. There were reports that the military was considering segregated accommodations to keep nervous and extremely chaste straights separated from the horny, horny gays. Those stories were eventually refuted, but only after a few shit fits were thrown.

The DADT surveys were such a hot topic this week that they were discussed on ABC's The View with guest gay American Idol runner up Clay Aiken. Really, it's just so fucking stupid that you should watch the clip.

Dan Choi and Jim Pietrangelo were arrested earlier this year for handcuffing themselves to a fence outside the White House in protest of the DADT policy. The Justice Dept suddenly dropped charges against the men this week, seemingly to avoid the specter of a trial. Lawyers for Choi and Pietrangelo subpoenaed President Obama to obtain his testimony. That subpoena may have caused the White House toilet water to erupt into a bidet resulting in the charges being dropped.

In other DADT news, months ago the Log Cabin Republicans (a group of gay right wingers -- believe it or not) filed suit against the federal government to overturn DADT. The trial started this week and the Washington Post published a brief interview with the Executive Director of the Log Cabinets that explains the group's rationale. Admittedly, I know as much about the Log Cabin Republicans as I do about Argentina (I like Argentina better) so I don't have much to say about this lawsuit. I do wonder what direction the water flows in the toilets of gay Republicans. Obviously, it must swirl to the right.

The Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA) seems to officially be dead -- for 2010 and consequently the next few years -- according to the Bay Area Reporter. If the Democratic majority in Congress can't introduce the bill before they all but certainly lose seats in November, they surely won't be able to do it after. But you can count on ENDA to be used repeatedly to boost LGBT support during election cycles and for fund raising calls from the Human Rights Campaign.

The HRC called me two days ago saying they need my money to help make ENDA a reality. I told them I was too busy contemplating toilet water in Argentina to give them any money.

Soon to add pressure to the already throbbing temples of President Obama will be an immigration reform bill. Because gay people can't resist interjecting themselves in every facet of American life, you should prepare to hear about how we demand to have our immigration issues addressed. Good news emerged this week that there is earnest attention being paid to including the Uniting American Families Act in reform bills. UAFA is yet another goddamn acronym bill we need because same-sex couples are denied marriage rights and can't sponsor foreign-born spouses for citizenship like traditional, Christ-like heterosexuals do.

This week the National Organization for Marriage began a Christ-like cross-country summer bus tour to torture gay people . The "Summer for Marriage tour: One Man One Woman" will hold 20 rallies encouraging people to be bigoted and fearful.

Right off the bat the tour bus got a flat tire -- and they blamed it on the gays. Later, the bus was spotted at a BP station getting a fill-up and that just gave the gays more mud to toss at the callous Christians. What's next on the tour, NOM -- you going to park in a handicapped zone? Maybe engage in a little hit-and-run action?

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag that has no idea what direction his toilet water goes during a flush.

Follow Patrick on Twitter: @uppityfag

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