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Friday, July 2, 2010

Week in Gay: Carrie Prejean to Wed 'Jesus in Cleats'

Posted By on Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 9:59 AM

click to enlarge Her prince has come!
  • Her prince has come!
On Thursday, members of the LGBT media were invited to participate in some kind of weird press conference at the White House. Was it a show of good faith (this is a first for queer journalists) or just another attempt to appear attentive? An administration official named Melody Barnes devoted an hour of her time to a Q&A session with a few bloggers and a reporter or two. There were absolutely no new revelations. None. A few attendees wrote blog posts that pretty much say the same thing and are summarized at Queerty.

I would be so pissed if I paid to fly to D.C. for a one-hour audience about nothing.

click to enlarge Change we can believe in: Johanna Sigurdardottir, Iceland's new prime minister
  • Change we can believe in: Johanna Sigurdardottir, Iceland's new prime minister
Marriage news: This week the Wisconsin Supreme Court decided unanimously that a successful ballot measure amending the state constitution to forbid same-sex marriage was valid. Marriage equality advocates claimed that the wording of the proposal should have been divided into two questions instead of banning marriage and civil unions at the same time. Nice try. No dice.

Better marriage news: The prime minister of Iceland is not only a woman, she is also a lesbian and she legally married a woman. I'm thinking about moving to Iceland because of this. It's not really all THAT cold (is it?).

Wedding bells for ding-dong
: Carrie Prejean, the masturbation guru/pageant contestant from California who made Perez Hilton a household name by becoming a martyr for traditional marriage is getting married in San Diego -- to Oakland Raiders quarterback Kyle Boller. How fitting! The world's most overtly religious masturbation video star is tying the knot with a man once called "Jesus in cleats."

Google, Inc. announced a plan to adjust the pay issued to gay employees to cover costs incurred by paying for their partner's health insurance. The company insurance plan covers same-sex partners but the federal government demands that the benefits be treated as additional income to the employee, thus triggering a tax increase. Google will correct that additional tax burden retroactively for 2010. How generous and kind and rational ... and remarkable.

Once upon a time there was a part of the health care reform bill that would have corrected this situation, but that was not included in the final version.

FAIL: Rep. Jackie Speier told the Bay Area Reporter that she's just being realistic when she says that the Employment Non-Discrimination Act is not likely to become law for another five years. That contradicts what Kate Kendall from the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) reported in May after a conference call with Speaker Nancy Pelosi. According to Kendall, Pelosi "in no uncertain terms, without any equivocation or evasion, stated several times that ENDA was her priority and that it would move in this Congress--and there was no question."

Hmm. Apparently there are questions.

The Supreme Court is the last place I go for good news -- and for the second time in two weeks, the court has ruled favorably for gays. Pinch me. This week SCOTUS decided that Hastings Law School doesn't have to subsidize Catholic groups on campus that don't want the fags to hang around. Tough shit? Chew harder!

Not to cut the celebration short, but get this: A doctor in Florida (NOT a surprise) is treating pregnant women with a hormone that will supposedly prevent lesbianism. This nefarious plot will also cause girls to adopt hyper 1950s-style girly attributes. The girls born to women treated with the hormone will not only be straight, but will want to have babies and cook and iron and suck cock and shut the hell up already. Oh, and get me a damn beer.

I wonder how boys would turn out if a their mothers were treated with this mysterious hormone. This might explain the way Liza Minnelli acts. After watching her sell sequins on the Home Shopping Network this week, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Judy Garland was treated with hormones that caused her daughter Liza to marry gay men and act drunk.

Do I have to go to Florida to get this stuff?

Patrick Connors is an uppity fag who wants to wear sequins to a Catholic club at a law school. Follow him on Twitter at @UppityFag and @TheSnitchSF

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