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Monday, May 17, 2010

The Worst First Pitches of All Time

Posted By on Mon, May 17, 2010 at 7:59 AM

Karen Peterson served as a schoolteacher in nearby Woodside for many a year. Her name did not become known nationally. Prior to Saturday's San Francisco Giants game, she threw what may be the worst ceremonial first pitch in the history of humanity. And now you know who she is. Welcome to the Internet, Mrs. Peterson.

But Karen Peterson will not be lonely on the Web. Tossing a perfectly spherical object 60 feet, 6 inches into a catcher's waiting glove seems so easy when professional baseball pitchers do it hundreds of times a game. Yet put some executive vice president, celebrity, or man in a chicken suit up there to do it and hilarity ensues. Here are a few of Peterson's fellow honorees in the Worst Ceremonial First Pitch Hall of Fame/Shame:

1. Mariah Carey. Yep, that one was a four-bouncer. Yet Mariah never loses her smile. After Glitter, you can live down anything.

2. Mayor Mark Mallory of Cincinnati. This pitch is so bad, you'd think it'd be impossible to re-create. And yet, given a chance to toss a second one down the middle on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Mr. Mayor uncorked another mind-bogglingly bad pitch (at around 6:10 in the video).

click to enlarge The pitch Major League Baseball doesn't want you to see!
  • The pitch Major League Baseball doesn't want you to see!
3. Dany Heatley, San Jose Sharks. Luckily for the burly hockey goal-scorer, YouTube has pulled the video after Major League Baseball cried copyright violation. In any event, the professional athlete managed to bounce his AT&T Park first pitch awkwardly -- while 17-year-old San Franciscan Winnie Phan, standing next to him, tossed one right down the middle. But let's see how well she does on the ice, right?

4. Carl Lewis. The Olympic champion was one of the greatest runners of all-time. And when it comes to baseball ... he was one of the greatest runners of all-time.

5. Charlie Brown.
You blockhead!


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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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