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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Harlem Globetrotters to Traverse Golden Gate Bridge. What Could Go Wrong?

Posted By on Thu, Apr 22, 2010 at 6:30 AM

Those tall guys on the Golden Gate Bridge? That's right...
  • Those tall guys on the Golden Gate Bridge? That's right...
Yes, the rumors are true: The Harlem Globetrotters, prior to their trio of forthcoming Bay Area games, will dribble basketballs across the Golden Gate Bridge tomorrow morning. Hey, sounds like fun (they'll even do a bit of habitat restoration at Battery East). But it's all fun and games until everyone's favorite troupe of novelty basketball entertainers triggers a horrible tragedy:

  • The 97th Toyota Prius with an open sun roof will just be too much temptation

  • San Franciscans' natural tendency to side with the underdog leads to

    ugly reception and declarations of solidarity with Globetrotters'

    opponents by local politicians

Sweeeeeet Georgia Brown...
  • Sweeeeeet Georgia Brown...

  • A troupe of seven-footers in basketball uniforms won't affect traffic at all

    • Close proximity to Gavin Newsom's hair + basketball-spinning virtuosos = trouble brewing

    • Underappreciated Bay Bridge finally has jealous meltdown

    • Pack of a dozen tall, athletic terrorists with incredible ball-handling skills could easily slip in and wreak havoc

    • The Golden Gate Bridge is around 1.7 miles long. "Sweet Georgia Brown" is four minutes long. It just won't work!

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    About The Author

    Joe Eskenazi

    Joe Eskenazi

    Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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