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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

At the Jersey Shore, Everybody Has a Nickname. Even San Francisco Politicians

Posted By on Tue, Jan 5, 2010 at 7:38 PM

Yes, San Francisco's politics suffers from bouts of dysfunction. But let's face it: The exploits of the boys and girls at City Hall can't hold a candle to the high drama on display in MTV's new blockbuster reality series, Jersey Shore. The show features an eight-count of self-styled "guidos" and "guidettes" packed into a beach house on America's most classless stretch of shoreline, working in a T-shirt store by day and drinking and screwing by night.

click to enlarge Meet 'The Ashley Simpson of Cape May' and 'Sookie'
  • Meet 'The Ashley Simpson of Cape May' and 'Sookie'
You gotta wonder: What would happen if we shoved the highest circle of San Francisco's elected officials into such circumstances? Would Gavin Newsom put a beat-down on David Chiu for stealing his hair gel? Would Chris Daly shave off John Avalos' goatee while he was passed out after a long night of Kamikaze shots? Who would be the first to hook up?

We don't have answers to these questions, but we do have a slate of monikers for our politicians-cum-guidos, courtesy of the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator. As fans of the show know, every character has his or her own handle. There's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino -- thus named because his abs are so toned as to present a situation -- and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, who is often erroneously called "Snickers" by her housemates. We decided to plug in the names of our local pols to see what this lovable cast of characters would be calling themselves on the Jersey Shore. Here you go.

  • Choo-choo!
Mayor Gavin Newsom: "G-Train"

David Chiu: "Tan Jovi"
Chris Daly: "The Condition"
Michela Alioto-Pier: "The Ashley Simpson of Cape May"
Sophie Maxwell: "The Good Time"
Carmen Chu: "Sookie"
David Campos: "The Body"
Eric Mar: "Natural Light"
Ross Mirkarimi: "Juice Box"
Bevan Dufty: "Bones"
Sean Elsbernd: "S-Gel"
John Avalos: "The Prince of Paramus"

District Attorney Kamala Harris: "Pooker"
City Attorney Dennis Herrera: "The Impact"
Assessor-Recorder Phil Ting: "The Blowout"
Treasurer Jose Cisneros: "Juice Springsteen"

Images   |   Alexia Tsotsis

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Peter Jamison


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