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Friday, November 20, 2009

Sarah Palin-Related Story Pitch a Top Contender For Worst E-Mail of All-Time

Posted By on Fri, Nov 20, 2009 at 6:30 AM

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As we've noted before, when your e-mail has the name of a newspaper in it, you get a lot of desperate missives. You'd be amazed at what communications professionals think you the reader are dying to know about; my favorite example is still the guy pitching a story about his stars-and-stripes emblazoned contact paper you could use to make your toilet seat resemble Evel Knievel's jumpsuit.

After a while, they all blend into one another; the terms "Dear Mr. Joe," "AMAZING!" and "Your readers" become one big Evel Knievel toilet. Until now. That's because we've gotten an e-mail -- from a man and a company we're going to do a massive favor to and not name -- offering San Franciscans "fun" suggestions of what to do when waiting in line to hear Sarah Palin speak.

Allow that statement to wash over you as you gargle its ridiculousness. Because if there's one thing San Franciscans need, it's a way to pass the tedious hours as they wait in block-busting lines to hear the dulcet tones of Sarah Palin.

It may not seem possible at first blush, but this e-mail missive grows yet more ridiculous. That's because, in honor of Palin's tome, Going Rogue, the Junkmailer who Shall Not Be Named came up with a list of "Rogue" movies one could watch while waiting in these hours-long lines (the notion of, say, reading a book, even Palin's book, was apparently deemed ridiculous).

Those "Rogue" movies: Patriot Games, Braveheart, Mission: Impossible, The Hunt for Red October, American Gangster, The Sum of All Fears, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Van Helsing. How these films are in any way "rogue" or relate to Palin is anyone's guess. We did warn you this was mind-bogglingly inane.

Well, here's our take. When I see Sarah Palin, hear Sarah Palin, or even think about Sarah Palin it makes me feel stupid. Exposure to this woman is like pouring a shot of vodka directly onto your brain. The enduring popularity of a modern-day know-nothing also makes me fear for society. So, I think watching movies that make you feel stupid and fear for the well-being of society are the ideal way to pass those antsy hours in line while waiting to hear Palin's pearls of wisdom. Here are our picks:

Biodome; Tommy Boy; Billy Madison; Magnolia; Gigli; Encino Man; Forrest Gump; Around the World in 80 Days (with Jackie Chan); Titanic; Dogville; Caddyshack II, and, of course, Three Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (Jim Varney! Loni Anderson! Hulk Hogan!). 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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