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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Drivers Still Going Too Fast On Bay Bridge? How About Putting Up Risqué Billboards?

Posted By on Thu, Nov 12, 2009 at 12:01 AM

click to enlarge You can't see her if you don't survive the trip -- it's an incentive!
  • You can't see her if you don't survive the trip -- it's an incentive!
Over the past week it has evolved into something of a parlor game to come up with novel methods for making people drive at safe velocities on the Bay Bridge's precarious new S-Curve. We suggested stark signage noting that the penalty for speeding could be death: "Speed Limit 40 -- Or You Might Die."

But why focus on death and destruction? Why not, instead, celebrate our sex-positive Bay Area culture by installing racy billboards on the beleaguered S-Curve? (The above is just an example; scantily clad men, groups of men and women, or hermaphrodites would also work).

God knows that would get people to slow down. And God knows that the state could use the ad revenue. It's a win-win.

But it's not the only way drivers could be convinced to slow down: 

  • This sounds like a job for a four-hour Gavin Newsom YouTube lecture
  • Install second toll plaza prior to SoMa off ramp; give one dollar to everyone who signs pledge that he or she didn't speed on the S-curve
  • Dangle terrifying prop big rig precariously over the edge of the bridge to scare drivers straight
  • Play loud recording of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger bellowing "Get Down!"
  • From now on, bicycles only on the eastern span. Okay, Vespas too
  • Police, Caltrans redefine definition of "traffic accident" lowering total of S-curve "traffic accidents" from 40-plus to three with the stroke of a key

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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