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Friday, October 30, 2009

Philly Woman's Alleged Sex-For-World Series Tix Offer Recalls S.F. Incident Involving ... Bananas

Posted By on Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 6:30 AM

click to enlarge Normally it'll at least take NLCS tickets to earn a smooch like this, you lucky dog - FACEBOOK
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  • Normally it'll at least take NLCS tickets to earn a smooch like this, you lucky dog
Susan Finkelstein may soon have the most traversed Facebook page since the brief heyday of Ashley Alexandra Dupre. For those unfamiliar with the former, she's the 43-year-old, self-described "gorgeous tall buxom blonde" who insinuated on Craigslist she'd like tickets to root on her beloved Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series -- but didn't want to pay for them (not with money, at least). An undercover police officer claimed Finkelstein offered to make like the Phils' Game One starter, Cliff Lee, and go all the way.

Charges have been filed, and now the whole world can note that Finkelstein is a dead ringer for Dana Plato in her more youthful photos and an appreciable percentage of the nation can answer the real burning question (yes, she is).

If there were any incidences on Craigslist of trading coitus for Series tickets back in 2002 when the home team last ascended to the finals, it didn't hit the media. San Franciscans can be ashamed that suburban Pennsylvanians have out-risqued us. But we should be prideful that, when it comes to bizarre barter offers for tickets, we still have the rest of the world beat. For back in '02, an unknown denizen of Craigslist sought entry to the Series in exchange for "1,900 pounds of bananas."

I wish I could offer you a link -- but it's further gone than the memories of Bonds-Kent Giants teams coming within hailing distance of the pantheon. But this did happen, believe you me. I printed out the C'list ad at the time and posted it on my office's bulletin board.

click to enlarge banana_1967_july_29_2009.jpg
Beyond the eye-catching headline of "Will Trade 1,900 Pounds of Bananas for Series Tickets," I only remember the phrase "1,900 pounds of bananas. I got 'em. You want 'em" was used.

Whether a ton of fruit or the opportunity to make the beast with two backs with a 43-year-old Phillie Phanatic is the more valuable is a debate for the ages. But, if it helps, I have taken some steps to figure out just how valuable 1,900 pounds of bananas is (or isn't).

After placing a few calls to grocers, I determined the street value of 1,900 pounds of bananas -- in October -- to be roughly $875. Most stores purchase bananas by the case; a 40-pound case of bananas ranges in value from $15 to $25, but is on the high end at about $23 right now.

In order to move that many bananas, you'd need a fairly sizable truck -- something along the lines of a Ford F-350 or a cargo van. And you'd probably need a forklift or several helpful friends/day laborers. It'd be a major undertaking. But now that you've got nearly a ton of bananas, what could you do with it?

If you were to sell it, our contacts said your best bet would be in Chinatown or at Sigona's in Redwood City or Berkeley Bowl. Those stores deal with small farmers, but still might be a bit nonplussed if you pulled up and announced you were looking to sell a ton of bananas; maybe they'd offer you some World Series tickets and you'd be back where you started. If you were to pull this stunt, our sources said you'd be lucky to walk away with $500 -- which doesn't make a good trade for Series tickets.

Also, whatever you did with the bananas, you'd have to do it quickly. If the fruit was green, the longest it could possibly last in its boxes is about four days before it yellows and maybe two or three more before it's mushy black. You might buy yourself a few days if you open all the boxes and allow the fruits' natural gasses to dissipate, but then you'll have a hell of a time moving the cargo (this gas, by the way, speeds the ripening of the fruit -- and if you ever want to ripen hard peaches, apples, or other fruits, seal them in a paper bag with a banana. See? You learned something today).

So, it would seem that having World Series tickets in hand is a better deal than having a ton of fruit in your truck. In any event, Finkelstein will end up attending the Series after all -- thanks to Philly-area businesses that cashed in on her ill-gotten fame by publicly awarding her tickets.

I wonder what she'd do for some bananas?

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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