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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Newport Pleasure Drives Discerning Mission Street Thief

Posted By on Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 5:30 AM

click to enlarge The city's most seizable cigarette...
  • The city's most seizable cigarette...
Using a lawbreaker as a commercial spokesman is an unpopular move these days. The Frito Bandito -- and his charming, 1970s-era cultural insensitivity -- is long gone. You don't see O.J. Simpson hawking Hertz rental cars anymore. Hell, even the Hamburglar has robbled his last robble.

So it's unlikely that the folks at the Lorillard Tobacco Company will anchor an ad around a Tuesday incident on the 4100 block of Mission Street. After an unknown person forced his or her way through the front door of a business, the resultant police report notes the loss of the "cash register, U.S. currency, and Newport cigarettes."

Our calls to the officer who filled out the report and to the department's burglary detail haven't yet been returned. But unless this is oddly worded, it appears this thief knew what he wanted and bypassed all the other cigarettes in favor of that menthol-chilled and remarkably refreshing taste only Newports can deliver.

So, is this good or bad publicity for the folks at Newports? Our letter to Ronald Milstein, the "senior vice president, legal and external affairs, general" hasn't yet been answered.

We're not holding our breath awaiting a response. But, as it's been a while since we puffed a Newport, holding our breath isn't a problem.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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