Monday, Sept. 21

11 a.m. - Public Safety Committee

 

Eight supervisors -- the magic number -- have sponsored a bill allowing the police chief to select any qualified law enforcement official, from in or out of the department, for senior non-civil service position in the San Francisco Police Department.

It hits Public Safety Committee today, and since all three members of the Public Safety Committee (Mirkarimi, Alioto-Pier, and Chiu) are co-sponsors of the bill, one expects it to sail through committee like a ... like a ... well, I don't actually know any "sailing" metaphors. But like a thing that sails, on a day that is ideal for sailing, in a place that offers optimum sailing conditions.

Like that.

I have to say I'm extremely impressed with the unexpected turns the famously insular SFPD is taking. Conventional wisdom was that there was no way in hell the new chief would be from outside the SFPD -- but the new chief is from outside the SFPD. Conventional wisdom said that there was no way the new chief would be able to choose his own top aides -- yet now that seems inevitable. And Chief George Gascon's proposal to clear the civilian oversight board's decks of a massive backlog of cases by distinguishing those that can get a slap-on-the-wrist from those where termination is warranted strikes me as as good a compromise as one is likely to find in an imperfect world.

Sometimes the world conspires to impress you. Ladies and gentlemen, please keep up the good work.

Also on the agenda for today is the usual "let's look at citywide crime levels," now sponsored by the committee's new chair, David Chiu. Needless to say, if it's sponsored by David Chiu, it's going to be extra special. Maybe there will even be a special guest! I hear Paula Abdul is free.

 

1 p.m. - Land Use & Economic Development Committee

Speaking of agenda items that have become old hat no matter who's sponsoring them, David Chiu has another "slap down interim zoning moratoriums on new head shops" proposal. This week the lucky neighborhood is the Polk Street Neighborhood Commercial District. We've gotten so many of these zoning moratoriums in the last year-and-a-half that I can't help but wonder: Does San Francisco really have a limitless appetite for "tobacco" paraphernalia? Because at some point, theoretically, wouldn't we reach a number of head shops to great for the market to bear ... at which point, wouldn't people stop opening them?

Classical economic theory says so: eventually the number of head shops San Francisco wants, and the number of head shops San Francisco has, will match thanks to the market's creeeeeeepy invisible hand.

(Did you know that the invisible hand of the free market is also a registered sex offender? True story. That's why capitalism's not allowed within 1,000 feet of a school, church, or government building.)

But San Francisco seems to defy classical economic theory once again: Apparently an infinite number of head shops are actually sustainable in S.F., forcing the Supervisors to take the heroic action of the past year. Seriously, if they hadn't jumped on this bandwagon there would be a head shop inside a Starbucks inside your apartment right now. And you'd be listening to Bob Marley.

So, thank you Supervisors for protecting us from ourselves once again.

The disbursement of street artist space is also on the agenda today, as is a measure to change the official sidewalk widths at 20th, Minnesota, and Indiana streets zzzzzzzzzzzzz ....

Zzzzzzzz...

What? I'M AWAKE! I was just talking about Chris Daly's proposal to clarify that the SoMa Stabilization Extortion ... er, fund payment, I meant "fund payment" ... fee is "due before issuance of the final certificate of occupancy or within a time certain after the issuance of a first certificate of occupancy, whichever is sooner." That's important to know.

Tuesday, Sept. 22, 2 p.m. - Full Board of Supervisors

This is a really short meeting this week: perhaps the shortest Board Meeting I've yet seen. Was there a federal holiday last week that I forgot about? Or have we all just run out of bullshit to legislate?

Of the 13 items on the agenda .... Ohhhhhh, unlucky number! .... one is the proposal by both the Mayor and the Progressives to create a "Citizen's Committee on Community Development" that will make recommendations on community development strategy and CDBG grants.

Part of me thinks "Yes! This will really empower citizen participation in the future development of San Francisco!" But the part of me that remembers how stuff works thinks "Fuck all: another committee to issue reports that no one but me and Melissa Griffin read."

This is no good. I'm trying to read more novels. Note to the Supervisors: Could you attach an amendment to this bill requiring that all reports by the Citizen's Committee on Community Development must be written as a novel? Preferably something around 250 pages, with a strong minority female protagonist?

No vampires or anything "genre" like that -- and please no narrowly concealed autobiographies. I really don't want to have to read a novelized report about a handsome mayor, Navin Gewsom, who just had a daughter named "Dakota" and is trying desperately to save his (unnamed) state. I know that will be tempting, because it just might secure you a spot on the coveted Board of Appeals No. 2, but please, have some pride.

Another measure on the agenda comes from Chris Daly, who wants to generate $22 million through the sale of mortgage revenue bonds to renovate multi-family rental housing units for people of low-to-moderate income.

The housing in question would be developed by "Mercy Housing XL," at 472 - 480 Ellis Street, a 153-rental housing unit called "The Arlington Project."

I have no idea if this is a good idea, or a good project, or not. But the fact that Chris Daly is appearing as the bill's only sponsor suggests potential trouble in do-gooder town. Does anybody out there want to co-sponsor a $22 million project to renovate 153 low-income units? If not, is that a sign?

The bonds could happen, but maybe Daly and the Guardian should start arguing now about who screwed this one up, just to get ahead of the curve.

Finally, Bevan Dufty has an already well-publicized proposal "encouraging" the new owner of radio station 92.7 to keep the station gay as a Broadway cast party. Or, as Bevan's proposal says "to continue with the Community/Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender/Dance radio format that has made Energy 92.7 one of the most unique and popular radio stations in San Francisco and the Bay Area."

(Sigh). I'm with you in spirit, Bevan; but I fear that anyone who buys an LGBT-themed radio station in San Francisco, and straightens it out, isn't exactly waiting on pins and needles to hear what the city council has to say.

Just a theory.

Now if they want to open a head shop ... then you've got some leverage.

Wednesday, Sept. 23, 11 a.m. - Budget and Finance Committee

This meeting starts out being all about the kids: you have the ongoing hearing about the Department of Children, Youth, and their Families' Children's Services Allocation Plan FY 2010-2013; and the Children's Services Allocation Plan for the Children's Fund.

Then it veers hard right and becomes all about special financing mechanisms. There's a resolution adopting local goals and policies for the Mello-Roos Community Facilities Districts; and a resolution allowing equipment for water conservation and pollution control to be eligible for funding through the formation of special tax districts.

Then you've got an agreement for fire and medical services as the Hunter's Point Shipyard ... blah blah blah ... airport concession lease ... $30 million for advanced train control system improvements for Muni.... Yadda yadda yadda ....

Wait ... what was that? $30 million for advance train control system improvements for Muni? Did that just happen? Will it help them not crash and stuff?

According to the 122-page document on the purchasing agreement, the answer is: "Something like that." It will, at least, help the system that is crashing the trains from being so obsolete.

Okay. It'll be good to be killed by more up-to-date technology.

Moving on, the meeting ends with a budget update and the ever-exciting Monthly Overtime Report.

All those in favor of the Monthly Overtime Report being presented as a stand-up comedy routine, raise your hand.

I'll give us a start. "So, what's the deal with EMS personnel? Are they, like, saving lives at night too?"

Thursday, Sept. 24, 1 p.m. - Government Audit & Oversight Committee

Peak oil fans, this one's for you: There's just one item on the agenda, and it's a hearing to consider the recommendations of the Peak Oil preparedness Task Force.

I know you're dying to know: what ARE their recommendations? What DO we have to do to be prepared for the day there's no more oil?

Well, I don't want to go through the whole 122 pages with you ... I really, really don't ... but here's a quick preview:

The task force has made recommendations for six areas: Energy, Food, Transportation, Recycling, Buildings, and Societal Functioning. Here's a sample of the recommendations they make for each:

Energy:

• Instruct City agencies and departments that planning must include a scenario of energy decline: Because everyone reads city department guidelines;


• Pursue the conversion of the electric system to a smart grid (also called a "Brugmann" grid).

 Food:

• Vastly expand urban agriculture programs and services. No problem! Surely we can use the remaining 20 percent of San Francisco that isn't growing pot to grow food.

 Transportation:

• Discourage people from using cars. Instead, have them ride bicycles, which are also called "Steve-Wheels," after the man who is most smug about riding them;


• Convert city vehicles to bio-diesel, even though this is futile because the city won't generate nearly enough bio-diesel to actually power its fleet.

Recycling:

• Encourage it.

Buildings:

• Retrofit them for energy conservation and on-site power generation. (QUESTION: Is it more important to retrofit buildings for peak oil, or the big earthquake? Because we might not be able to fund both).

Societal Functionings

• Lecture the hell out of people about peak oil.


• Inspire the public to do better! (That always works!)


• Think more locally in everything, and teach neighborhoods to govern themselves. This includes the sweetly naïve line "The City can provide guidelines for community governance." Because they do that so well.

Basically, to prepare for the coming peak oil shortage, we're going to need to become the series of local eco-collectivist hive neighborhoods that people who prepare reports like this are always calling for.

What a shock.

Honest-to-God, couldn't we have saved 15 months by skipping the report and just asking the usual gang of suspects to stand up in city hall and be very liberal in public?

Like all ideological manifestos, the report ends with a vision of utopia. The last section before the summary asks us to "Imagine yourself transported to the San Francisco of 2050." It tells us what we'll see:

"The economy is less consumption-focused, and the pace of life is slower, but surveys consistently show that San Franciscans are far 'happier' than they were in the early 21st century."

And that's not all!

• "Residents rarely need cars"


• "the overall health of San Franciscans is improved over that of the early 21st century"


• "San Francisco has seen a renaissance as the business center of the Bay Area"


• "Jobs that moved to the suburbs during the auto age have moved back into San Francisco"


• "The California High Speed Rail system has been operational for many years"


• "Street life is lively, with frequent fairs, meetings and events."


• "Neighborhood councils participate in decisions affecting them, and this has brought a greater sense of community than ever, while continuing to foster the individual expression that is one of San Francisco's most prized values"

Is this an overly optimistic scenario? NO! Instead, "we are confident that it is a close approximation of what the future holds"!

Don't you see, you fools? Peak oil will bring a paradise on earth, if only we listen to its eco-prophets!

(Sigh). Look, I support the conversion to renewable power, and the smart grid, and CCA, and municipal power generation, and local power generation, and urban agriculture, and all this stuff that ... realistically ... will be expensive to implement and inefficient to use for a long time until all the kinks are worked out.

But still ... even as a supporter of all this ... I would have respected this report a lot more if it had started by saying "Peak oil is coming: You're all dead!" and ended by proposing something really practical, like a system of levers and pulleys to help convey messages across the park.

Can we please be honest with each other and admit that adjusting to a world without artificially cheap power and wasteful consumerism is going to really suck?  For all its faults, consumer capitalism does have this to say for itself:  If life in the eco-hive collective were so self-evidently great, we'd all be living there right now.  Instead, we prefer to throw our trash away unsorted and eat mass-produced animal byproduct, because it allows us to focus more fully on our dream of becoming a voice actor for children's cartoons. 

In the future to be created by peak-oil advocates, there may be no mass children's entertainment, and those of us who want to pursue our unfettered dreams may be told "Sorry, we need you to spend your time urban farming and sorting compost into five seperate bins." 

The wastefulness of consumer capitalism allows us to waste our own lives like true individualists. How many actors does a society really need?  How many lawyers?  How many personal trainers?  A consumer capitalist society can allow anyone to pursue their dreams -- no matter how crappy, redundant, or useless -- because it creates a superabundance of all the basic necessities.  But it's that's superabundance that's unsustainable; and  it's that unsustainable superabundance that allows for radical individualism. Anyone who automatically assumes that a sustainable economy can do the same is selling something.

It may be anti-consumer, but there's no question that the peak oil task force report is a sales job.  

Postscript:

Speaking of over-the-top idealism applied to environmental policy, the week-in-government will end on Friday with another joint meeting of LAFCo and the PUC. Expect the peak oil report to come up as proof that we desperately need whatever they're selling. After all, they have a report.