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Friday, September 18, 2009

Denver Bastards Strike Back!

Posted By on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 at 2:59 PM

Earlier today, we responded to a sudden and deliberate attack from the Colorado Rockies jockstrap-sniffers at our sister paper, the Denver Westword. While we acknowledge that our hometown San Francisco Giants are facing an uphill battle to make the postseason, we contend that the team's competition, the aforementioned Rockies, are about as desirable as spending one's birthday in the General Hospital waiting room ... with the city's Friends of Scabies club.

Needless to say, the vicious wits at the Westword saw things differently, and earlier today fired off a rejoinder in which they first boasted of their love of feasting on testicles and then started talking dirty. Here's the highlights:

  • Names of various Giants were compared to nasty physical ailments ("I shouldn't have eaten that second burrito. I have a terrible case of Renteria" or "That boil on your ass looks awful. Do you have Bumgarner?")
  • Randy Winn was named "most ironically named Giant." It's hardly ironic! The man has one "n" for each home run he's hit this year.
You can read the whole thing here, and our original article here.

The Rockies groupies countered our offer of a signed photo of a Drag Queen To Be Named Later should Colorado make the playoffs with promises of ex-Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler paraphernalia should the Giants ascend to the postseason.

With a little luck, the Rockies postseason chances will fly off to another city -- just like Cutler.

Check back on Monday for more internecine basebrawl trash-talk.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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