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What was the F'd up part of the bridge again?
This was a week for openings. The bridge opened, a sex club opened in one of the city's least sexy locales, and, speaking of openness and sexiness, an elephantine state Assemblyman was remarkably frank with his astoundingly filthy claims of sexual conquests of women who had pending government business before his legislative boards. Phew! It's time for a weekend. But first, a news quiz.
1.
Xiyu Li is:
A. The crewman who died after falling off a San Francisco Bay cargo ship Thursday
B. The inspector who approved the Bay Bridge to be reopened
C. The man killed by S.F. police after allegedly charging at them with a meat cleaver
D. The inventor of the lint roll
2.The correct spelling of the name of the
20-year-old starting pitcher the Giants tossed into action this week is:
A. B-A-U-M-G-A-R-T-N-E-R
B. B-A-U-M-G-A-U-R-T
C. B-U-M-G-A-R-N-E-R
D. B-O-O-M-H-A-U-E-R
E. B-O-N-D, J-A-M-E-S B-O-N-D
3. The problem that very nearly kept the Bay Bridge closed another day -- but didn't --
involved a damaged:
A. Eyebar
B. Gaybar
C. Rebar
D. Armbar
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Say my name, say my name...
4. Which of the following was the Bay Area's
Van Jones not accused of before being forced to resign his White House environmental advisory position amidst a cacophony of right-wing insinuations?
A. 9/11 conspiracy-mongering
B. Black nationalist-mongering
C. Communist-mongering
D. Green Jobs-mongering
5. San Franciscan William Pious is
accused by the police of dousing his sleeping neighbor in what?
A. Pig's blood
B. Boiling oil
C. Weeks worth of bottled urine
D. Thousands of maggots
6. Which of these statements
did disgraced former Assemblyman Michael Duvall not utter into an open microphone?
A. "She wears little eye-patch underwear."
B. "She's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!"
C. "It is exactly two years since I first took her up the wrong'un."
D. "So, I am getting into spanking her."
7. Speaking of Duvall, which of these fat bastards is the man?
8. Remember
those police officers who killed the cleaver-wielding man? Before the SFPD even completed its internal investigation of the officer-related shooting or deigned to publicly release the officers' names, the cops' station commander nominated them for the department's Medal of Valor. The last SFPD officers to receive the department's highest honor:
A. Saved an entire pet store's worth of animals from a fire
B. Resuscitated a dying homeless man found in a dumpster
C. Caught a fleeing rape suspect in a bizarre Winnebago-helicopter chase
D. Killed a tiger that had escaped its pen at the San Francisco Zoo
9. Which of the following
isn't to be found in the Tenderloin these days?
A. A sex club
B. Medical Marijuana clubs
C. A supermarket
D. An ATM
10.
Forty years old, white, male, and never married describes:
A. Your average comic book convention-goer
B. Your average Golden Gate bridge-jumper
C. Your average art-house theater-goer with a bag full of other bags
D. All of these
1. C; 2.C; 3.A; 4.D; 5.B.; 6. C; 7. B; 8. D; 9. C; 10. D
