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Thursday, September 3, 2009

Monterey Bay Aquarium: Seahorse or SeaWHORES?

Posted By on Thu, Sep 3, 2009 at 4:59 PM

Single and ready to mingle.
  • Single and ready to mingle.
Sex sells. Everything. Cars. Cosmetics. Hamburgers. Seahorses.

Ads touting a new seahorse exhibit at the Monterey Bay Aquarium started cropping up some time ago (the exhibit opened on April 6 and will run until 2012.) But it wasn't until a friend who was traveling on BART spotted one of the ads that I realized how bizarre they are. "Have you seen these?" She asked. "They're creepy. They made personal ads for the seahorses."

A visit to the aquarium's Web site confirms this observation. Different species of the animals have been granted human names and drafted appeals for mates. Ken Kuda, is "eternally single" and "looking for love." Eartha Excises thinks that "Men should not only be pregnant, they should clean my house." Wade Witei thinks that "Men should be pregnant. Constantly."  

Erm. Okay. We get it. Kind of. The girl seahorses put their eggs in the boy seahorses who fertilize them, carry them, and spew them out. Nature! It will do what it wants!

There's no denying that this reproductive anomaly is one of the most

interesting things about these animals, but basing an entire

advertising campaign around the sensuality of the seahorse seems

somehow, as we noted previously, "creepy."

In addition to

the personal ads running on the Web site, there's a facebook page for

"Herbie Hippocamus" (Seahorses belong to the genus "Hippocampus." No

matter what you think of the PR, you can't deny we're learning.) Herbie is

a "single male seahorse."  He is looking for "new romance, and a female

seahorse willing to let me give birth to a few hundred babies." He's

interested in "courtship" and "mating" and likes to watch Sex &

the Seahorse City. Okay, now I'm being invited to imagine several

narcissistic, drunk seahorses sitting around discussing the vagaries of

making out after oral sex. No thanks. Even the name of the exhibit sort

of sounds like a sexpose for the Nature Channel: "The Secret Lives of


Seahorses are cute little sea-fairies that braid mermaid hair. They are not sexy. Some animals that are sexy include:

Big cats (especially panthers)

Snakes (obvious)

Rabbits (on account of all the doing-it)

Unicorns (also obvious)

Seahorses are not on that list. Here are some other animals that Are Not Sexy:


Baby ducks



Confusing sexy things with non-sexy Things is actually the epitome of unsexyness.

I hope we've all learned something here. About seahorses. (Mostly that they are not sexy.)

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Andy Wright

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