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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Newsom! Dellums! Who Will Win Mayoral Fantasy Football Spectacular? Who Will Explain What Fantasy Football Is to Ron Dellums?

Posted By on Wed, Aug 19, 2009 at 7:30 AM

click to enlarge 'I dedicate this touchdown to L'Oreal...' - JUSTIN PAGE
  • Justin Page
  • 'I dedicate this touchdown to L'Oreal...'
Mayors Gavin Newsom of San Francisco and Ron Dellums of Oakland come from different generations, but both have been assailed by their critics with the same adjective: detached.

So no matter who drafts the better team tomorrow in a Yahoo! fantasy football mayoral matchup, critics will be well-armed.

If the mayors studiously bone up on their fantasy football rankings and earnestly weigh whether Tom Brady or Drew Brees would be better suited to helm their virtual teams, then critics could accuse them of geeking out instead of overseeing their respective cities (for once). And if they phone it in, naysayers will be able to point out how they couldn't even put any effort into drafting a decent fantasy football squad.

But we're willing to give Newsom a pass here (absolving Dellums is out of our jurisdiction). A man's got to have more in life than running for governor and cleaning human feces off his front steps. And it could earn local do-gooders some green: The 11-mayor Yahoo! league also features the elected leaders of Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Orlando and other bergs, with the winner earning a $30,000 prize for a charity in his or her city. Yet it's more than regional Chauvinism that leads us to believe Newsom will outdraft Dellums at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow.

First of all, both mayors will likely feel a political necessity to take a few players from their hometown teams -- and the Raiders are a squad that actually figure to have things start going downhill from the current point of head coach Tom Cable allegedly putting his assistant in the hospital.

Second, Dellums may yet be a closet Roto-geek ... but we're not betting on it. Hopefully one of his aides will be there to explain the ins and outs of Fantasy sports and to him and keep Dellums from wasting picks on Daryle Lamonica, Fred Biletnikoff, or current octogenarian George Blanda.

Finally, Gavin -- or some of Gavin's people -- have obviously put a fair amount of thought into this. The San Francisco team easily has the best nickname -- Barbary Coast Bombers. Hell, that's a LOT better than the United Football League's real-world choice of "California Redwoods," isn't it? Besides, we heard the real reason Eric Jaye got booted out of Camp Newsom in favor of Garry South was the svengalis' unresolvable argument over whether or not LaDanian Tomlinson is a good pick or not. Jaye thought LT has a little bit left in the tank -- but South thought they were both washed up. You know how that went.

We'll keep you up to date on who drafts the best team -- and if anyone wants to send us renderings of what a Gavin Newsom-inspired football team's helmet might look like (think L'Oreal) we'd love to showcase your art. 

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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