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Monday, August 10, 2009

SF Gov InAction: Big money! Big money! Oh God, Make It Stop!

Posted By on Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 9:59 AM


What an exciting week! Your Host Gaaaaaaavin Newson! will be giving away big money prizes! And how much would you pay for this PUC headquarters? Find out in our Showcase Showdown! That's not actually a joke. In fact, there is an awful lot of government happening this week, squeezing big money into small meetings. It's been a while since we've seen small meetings this packed with concentrated government goodness -- the kind of meetings that are organic, locally grown, and pesticide free. They're practically swimming in antioxidants. Why I've only just read the agenda, and I feel healthier already. And broke. Monday, Aug. 10, 10:30 a.m. - City Operations and Neighborhood Services Committee Health, in fact, is one of the big themes of this meeting. Michela Alioto-Pier has a hearing called to
1. Discuss cuts to the California Healthy Families Program, 2. "evaluate the City's commitment to universal healthcare for children and youth, and" ... 3. "identify solutions that guarantee every child access to health insurance."
So once again, she's putting forward the kind of busywork that everyone can get behind. Hey, I'm going to go out on a limb here: Does it strike anyone else that Alioto-Pier's constant defense of children masks a seething hatred of adults? Because, if you look at her legislative record, you could make a case that if you're not an expectant mommy or a baby, she wants you dead. I'm just wondering.

Continuing on the "health" theme, Newsom has a proposal designating the psychiatric facilities at the Jewish Home of San Francisco to be evaluation and treatment centers for individuals 75 and older -- which I'm pretty sure (not really) is a way of pandering to the elderly Jewish vote.

This effort is bound to fail, because while Gavin surely comes across as a "Nice Boy," he is also an absolute ringer for all the chazerai who kept Ira and Ethel Myrtlebaum out of the country clubs they applied to for 50 years. Seriously, the resemblance is uncanny.

Because no matter who we are, if we close our eyes and use our imaginations, we call all easily picture someone who looks like Gavin Newsom telling us "I'm sorry, you just aren't a good fit for Bushwood." Then he admires his perfect hair in the mirror, waves to his rich-heiress-wife-who-wants-to-be-an-actress-and-produce-movies-about-serious-themes, and goes back in to the party where deals are being made over scallops wrapped in bacon wrapped in $100 bills wrapped in children's letters to Santa.

For the record, that's not Gavin Newsom, really. But his "I don't have to answer to you little people because my SUV is a hybrid" smirk is still going to rub the Myrtlebaums the wrong way every time.

That's probably why they gave to Jerry Brown. Did you know he's winning?

Finally, the committee's health kick winds down with a hearing called by Sean Elsbernd (who I recently learned is the one true Lord of the Dance. Did you know that?) about medical screening procedures for Municipal Transportation Association personnel. (Bevan Dufty has a similar hearing today, but it's non-health related and a campaign event.) This will finally answer a question I've been wanting to know ever since I moved to San Francisco: Just how sober do you have to be to drive one of them big trains?

Admit it: After a long night on the town, coming home from the bars at 2 a.m. dressed in someone else's pirate costume, we've all chased down a train, stumbled up the stairs, eyeballed the driver, and thought: "I could do that."

Oh, speaking of bars, the proposals to more tightly regulate extended hours and the place of entertainment permits are before the board again. This legislation has been before the board for about a year and a half now, and there's really nothing new to say about it. You can rest assured -- they'll go over it all one more time. If not more.

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Benjamin Wachs


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