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Friday, July 31, 2009

Another Reason to Move the Kids to Fairfield: Sidewalks There Littered with Chalk Drawings, Not Porn

Posted By and on Fri, Jul 31, 2009 at 1:20 PM

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​​ Chris Daly has been catching a lot of flak for moving his family out to the boring 'burbs so his kids can go to sleep to the sound of crickets instead of the homeless filling their shopping cart with bottles. Another possible reason for the move? The chances of your kid curiously picking up a postcard advertising a porn service decreases by at least a factor of three. We were just walking along the residential Mission streets, not thinking about anything dirty in particular, when we came upon a good 100 or so postcards, vaguely salacious even from a distance. We hastily picked one and saw it was an ad for Gorilla Milk, a make-your-own porn adventure. You pick a porn star off a Web site and they show up at your house with a camera crew to make a porn film starring you. (Note: the picture alongside is actually a reconstruction, as we were too ashamed at the moment to stop and take a photo with all the pedestrians around. Imagine that card times 100. And a whole lot more people)

Was this lazy guerilla marketing? Merely throwing your postcards on the ground to see who might just pick them up?

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The photo above (finger included to provide a sense of scale for Miss Thang's thighs) was the more tame of the card's two sides. ​The other shows various shots of crotches being squirted with more Gorilla Milk and melted chocolate, which sounds a lot more sexy than a squirt of nasty brown drizzled on someone's privates and slathered down someone's chest actually is. Actually, it just starts looking vaguely diarrhea-like. 

And that would likely cost you extra.

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Lauren Smiley

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