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Friday, July 17, 2009

Would-Be Noe Valley Burglar Unclear on the Concept: Steal Item *and* Leave With It

Posted By on Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 5:30 AM

click to enlarge Leaving the premises with your ill-gotten gains is an important step for every successful burglar
  • Leaving the premises with your ill-gotten gains is an important step for every successful burglar
There's a world of difference between intricate, Oceans 11-style heists and the Neanderthal-approved methods of, say, the River Rock Burglar

That being said, the concept of being a burglar is relatively simple: You enter other people's property, liberate their possessions, and then leave. On Wednesday, a Noe Valley miscreant seems to have aced the first two requirements, but stumbled on the third.

A resident on the 500 block of Duncan Street arrived back home to find his front door kicked in (An "A" for requirement No. 1 -- enter someone else's property). A quick search revealed that the interloper had made off with a flat-screen television (So far, so good). But as for requirement No. 3 -- the would-be burglar gets a big, fat "F."

The resident located his missing television on a nearby staircase where, according to the subsequent police report, the burglar-turned-mover "fled, after apparently being unable to take it."

As written, the police report's notion that the miscreant was "unable to take it" could be interpreted two ways: He was physically unable to remove the television or simply couldn't hack it in his or her chosen field of burglardom.

Both seem to be accurate. 

Photo   |   Nottingham CDP.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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