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Monday, June 15, 2009

SFSU Students Move Out, Donate Contents of Their Hopeless Hovels, Fetid Fridges to Charity

Posted By on Mon, Jun 15, 2009 at 7:30 AM

click to enlarge Every current or former college student owes a debt of gratitude to the inventor of the futon
  • Every current or former college student owes a debt of gratitude to the inventor of the futon
If you've got an affinity for torchere lamps, futons, creaky recliners that may or may not have things living in them, IKEA furniture (it's Swedish for "pressed board!") and the timeless taste sensation of Top Ramen -- well boy are you in luck, San Francisco.

San Francisco State University has proudly announced that its students who recently moved out as the term recently ended (and back home to Orange County in all likelihood) donated 45,000 pounds of clothing and household items to Goodwill, and 642 pounds of non-perishable food (Hormel Chili, Top Ramen, etc.) to the city's food bank.

Seriously, bravo -- though we wonder how much of the 22.5 tons of clothes and goods is composed of bricks or cinder blocks from students' cement-and-two-by-four makeshift bookshelves. This funky altruism made your humble narrator nostalgic about the detritus scattered around his own college apartment:

Pair of couches -- one made of pleather and designed to look like wood, the other composed of crushed red velvet that resembled scraps of Antonio Fargas' clothing in Starsky and Hutch -- obtained via trade for a two cans of Murphy's Irish Stout. Both parties walked away thinking they'd got the better of the deal. Fate: Left to inheritors of the flat; unknown. 

Whisky colored La-Z-Boy type recliner, obtained from garage sale for free (his wife told him he wasn't permitted to take "that thing" back in the house). Fate: Somehow -- we repeat, somehow -- it ended up in the fountain at Clark Kerr Campus.

Small futon, bought from a nun and used as a bed. It turns out Sister overcharged -- but we figure it was worth it for the peace of mind that said bed was never used for certain activities. Fate: Given to friends; destroyed in 2000 in tragic incident involving sunscreen, axle grease, and fire.  

Back seat from 1970s-era Jeep Wrangler, which was obtained during wrangling at a garage sale -- which abruptly stopped when your humble narrator noticed a book titled Modern Spells for the Modern Witch in the sellers' collection. This was a truly remarkable device, as it accurately gauged whether a member of the opposite sex had any affection for you; the seat was small enough that only someone with a soft spot for you would unhesitatingly accept an offer to sit on the Jeep seat. Fate: Either gathering dust in random basement or magically teleported back to its original owner.   

Smoky Joe barbecue, the perfect height to be monitored while seated upon the Jeep seat, and centerpiece of many a Friday night. Fate: Misplaced following The Night of 100 Beers.

Green filing cabinets, used to store clothing. Fate: Still serving same function.

Actually, now might be a great time to stock up on some castoff-SFSU decor. Gotta go. Bye!  

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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