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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

What, Exactly, Does State Mean By Park 'Closures'? 'Who Knows?' Says State Parks Foundation

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 3:25 PM

A nature walk redefined
  • A nature walk redefined
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's recent thunderbolt (he did portray Hercules once) about chipping away at our Death Valley-deep deficit by closing 80 percent of the state's parks has prompted a very elemental question: What do you mean by "close"?

Would there be no electric, plumbing, and grass growing out of the paved trails? If I get lost in the wilderness will my remains be found by anthropologists from the next millennium? Or are we simply going to throw cyclone fence around all the parks on this seven-page list (even with small type!) rendering them off-limits for everyone who can't climb a fence?

The California State Parks Foundation -- which has a horse in this race, you could say -- has no clue. None. "Right now they're using the term 'caretaker status,' which must begin with closing the gates and turning off the utilities," says Jerry Emory, the 40-year-old nonprofit group's communications director. "After that, we don't know what it means."  

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Welcome to America (Please Ignore the Dog Shit): S.F.-Based Foreign Exchange Student Organization Ensnared in Housing Scandal

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 1:59 PM

Got room for an exchange student?
  • Got room for an exchange student?
When a 15-year-old Nigerian girl paid the San Francisco-based nonprofit organization, Aspect Foundation, thousands of dollars to place her in an American home, the last thing she expected was to to be sent to a soon-to-be-condemned house strewn with dog feces. Other students placed in Pennsylvania homes by the same organization never expected to wind up in the hospital for malnutrition and dehydration, live with ex-convicts, or be forced to eat sardines for dinner every night. But they say that's exactly what happened.

As reported by the Pennsylvania Times Leader, a total of 12 students, ages 15 to 18, have claimed that the San Francisco-based organization placed them in homes that were unlivable. Last Thursday, nine of those students testified before a grand jury in Lackawanna County, Pennsylvania, and three have been relocated to new homes.

The students claimed that Aspect Foundation's area coordinator in Pennsylvania, Edna Burgette, had not secured a place for them to live before they arrived in the US. One 17- year-old boy from Columbia said that when he arrived, Burgette dragged him around to random houses and asked anyone who answered whether they would like to host him. 

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Newsom's Cajoling on South Bay's 49ers Stadium Plan Comes Off as Desperate Hail Mary

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 8:30 AM

Hut, hut, hike
  • Hut, hut, hike
These days are just packed for Mayor Gavin Newsom. He just introduced a city financial plan that's a dead cert to induce enough fevered statements about "balancing the budget on the backs of the poor" to make outsiders think the city's indigent population is working on a circus novelty act. Within a matter of days, he'll have the names of San Francisco's potential next police chief placed on his desk. And, tonight, Santa Clara's city council votes on greenlighting a $937 million stadium plan to appropriate the 49ers.

In the long run, the fate of our football team is likely the least important of these three challenges facing the mayor and the city. But while Newsom was composed and even upbeat in handing down a budget that slashes jobs and services, it was in his cajoling of South Bay politicos and voters with hopes to build a stadium -- and with his rationales as to why the 49ers should remain here -- that the mayor appears to have come slightly unhinged. Reading his statements in both local dailies induced a cringe-worthy feeling reminiscent of those moments when a punter or field goal kicker is desperately forced to run or throw the ball -- it looks bad and often accomplishes the opposite of what they intended.

Newsom's logical zig-zagging recalled a Hugh McElhenny run -- but not for positive yardage. How else can you explain his telling the Chronicle that a new 49ers stadium would be the centerpiece of his elysian dream of a rebuilt Hunters Point -- yet telling the Examiner that a ballpark would be a bad deal for Santa Clara voters, who'd be "subsidizing a giant stadium for 10 games a year." How is it possible to make both of these arguments on the same day? The Niners wouldn't be playing more games in a San Francisco stadium: You can't argue a ballpark would be a revitalization tool in your community but a behemoth money pit sitting empty for 355 days a year 20 minutes down the road. (By the way, we're inclined to go with the latter; employing a little-used football stadium as the anchor for residential or retail development is an abysmal idea). 

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Turtle Power: Enviros Sue Government In S.F. Court For Alleged Failure To Shell Out For Leatherbacks

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 7:30 AM

A group of environmental organizations are not 'happy together' about the government's foot-dragging
  • A group of environmental organizations are not 'happy together' about the government's foot-dragging
A trio (not a quartet) of environmental groups (not named after Renaissance painters) sued the U.S. government last week in San Francisco federal court, claiming the Department of the Interior, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and others have pulled their head into their shells when it comes to protecting the leatherback and loggerhead turtles.

Because these two species are knocking with both paws upon death's door, the plaintiffs in 2007 asked the government to do two things: Declare the local waters -- Northern California and Oregon -- to be "critical habitat" and upgrade the loggerheads from "threatened" to "endangered." The government is required to respond to such petitions within a year. It's now 2009 -- hence the lawsuit.

"Defendants' continuing failure to comply with the Endangered Species Act will result in irreparable harm to the Leatherback and Loggerhead sea turtles..." reads the suit, filed by the Center for Biological Diversity, Oceana, Inc., and Turtle Island Restoration Network. "No monetary damages or other legal remedy can compensate Plaintiffs..." You ever try to buy off a turtle? Can't do it!

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Seen In San Francisco: A Clean, Well-Lit Place -- For Tacos

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 6:30 AM

Tacos that sparkle - JOE ESKENAZI
  • Joe Eskenazi
  • Tacos that sparkle
Leslie Nielsen -- you know who he is -- had an interesting observation about humor. He was a man famous for saying unfunny things in an unfunny way. And the result -- was funny.

The same goes with signage. You can take two patently unfunny signs, juxtapose them together, and get fall-off-the-chair funny results. Here's my favorite. Also, this is the best one I've ever seen with my own eyes.

So we couldn't help but be tickled by the above juxtaposition of a cleaner and taqueria's signage near the Stockton Street tunnel. Frankly, in that neighborhood, I'd gladly eat at the nonexistent Pete's Cleaner Taqueria. 



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Mr. and Mrs. Charming -- He's Got a Machete, She's Drunk -- Terrorize the Sunset

Posted By on Tue, Jun 2, 2009 at 5:30 AM

rsz_machete_poster_big.jpg
In response to the common San Francisco notion that nothing ever happens out in the avenues -- and in an homage to the NBA's latest line of advertisements -- we present you with a new slogan -- The Sunset: Where machete-wielding crazies and their inebriated girlfriends happen.

In the wee hours Sunday morning, a bevy of police pulled up to a house in the 2200 block of 45th Avenue, responding to calls that a man swinging about a machete was terrorizing his neighbors, accompanied by his plastered girlfriend. The half-dozen cops attempted to get the man to give up quietly -- but the combination of big knives, drunken girlfriends, and God knows what else didn't lend itself to cooperation with the authorities.

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