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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Remember That Drunken, Lascivious Text You Sent Last Night? Thanks To New Web Site, Now EVERYONE Does.

Posted By on Wed, May 20, 2009 at 6:30 AM

click to enlarge Evr tried. Evr failed. No Mttr. Try Agn. Fail Agn. Fail Bttr.
  • Evr tried. Evr failed. No Mttr. Try Agn. Fail Agn. Fail Bttr.
Back in the old days, folks thought about what they wanted to say, wrote it out in longhand, signed and sealed the envelope, affixed proper postage, and waited days or weeks for a response. When you peruse the collected letters of, say, Noel Coward or Samuel Beckett, they sound clever because they are clever -- but it also helped to not be banging out abbreviated thoughts in abbreviated text with their thumbs. (First reader to send us a text-message language version of Waiting For Godot gets a prize). 

Yes, there are fewer and fewer filters between the thoughts and messages of today's TMI-generation. But in lieu of a filter, some of those messages can be juicy (though not as juicy as Coward writing in his diary about gay life in Jamaica -- seriously). Enter -- the relatively new Web site serves as an insta-compendium of embarrassing, inebriated, randy messages texted to and fro, grouped by area code of origin. And, yes, the 415 is (disturbingly) well-represented:

(415): I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

(415): be there in 3 mins

(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

(650): sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.

(415): we had.

(650): well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.

(415): I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.

(415): Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?

(323): Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her

(415): we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one

(415): I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games

(415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

(415): Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.

(415): shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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