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Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dolla Bill Ya'll: You Can Buy Some Really Strange Stuff in the Mission for a Buck

Posted By on Thu, Mar 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM

High School Musical 3 came out in October of last year and its marketing flotsam and jetsam has since drifted into a dollar store near you. Want a Zac Efron night-light? A HSM3 sticker set, pencil case, box of tissues? The discount stores strung between 26th and 16th Streets on Mission have a plethora to choose from. You can also stock up on Jesus nightlights, Jesus laundry bags, Jesus wall-hangings and Jesus bath towels. In dollar stores, Jesus and St. Efron are available in abundance. But the things I love in dollar stores are not simply the things snapped up for kitsch value (Okay, so there's a fluffy kitty and unicorn poster in your future, but really, that's just a good shopping tip-off). A few of my favorite things are the truly weird items that can be snapped up for mere change. Here is a sampler of what can be plumbed from the dollar stores on a random Wednesday afternoon.

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It is largely agreed upon that women shouldn't douche. You definitely shouldn't douche with strawberry-scented douche. You most certainly certain douche with a two-for-one strawberry douche obtained for a dollar.

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Somewhere in this veil is the premise for an entire article in a ladymag. To whit: "Pair a discount veil with a second-hand Vera Wang and no one will be the wiser!" Also, the veil apparently creates a glowing, urine-yellow corona of Happy around the demure, frugal bride.
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Because you are definitely not paying for the packaging.
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A liberal decorator's dream: For this price, you can wallpaper your house with the grinning image of the Obama family.
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We have now transgressed into the truly bizarre (and totally awesome) world of Dollar Store Figurines. Pictured above, a grinning, aged, Accountant Angel seems to be presiding over A Boy's First Sexually Confusing Experience while a Dispassionate Formal Umpire Does the Hand Jive.
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"I am a minion from Hell and this is my Cobra Army."
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And finally, a tale as old as time: Two toddlers get married inside a giant grilled cheese sandwich.
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Dollar stores are like Mecca for ironic decorators.
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You can't really tell in this picture, but this disturbing piece of interspecies romance is made all the more bizarre by the fact that the frog is also wearing a whorey swath of red lipstick. SF Weekly editors: Guess what you're getting for Christmas????

And, finally, for all the Goths in your life: Gothic Chic candles. When you burn them, they smell like tears and Trapper Keepers covered in Cannibal Corpse stickers.

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Andy Wright


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