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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Town Hall Meeting to Address Prop 8 SNAFU Could Get Ugly

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 4:47 PM

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Almost four months after voters stripped gays of their right to marry in California, a Town Hall-style meeting addressing what went wrong will finally happen. Supervisors Bevan Dufty, Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, and Senator Mark Leno will all apparently be there, as will ball-busting gay blogger and activist Michael Petrelis, who has spent a whole lot of time castigating the architects of the No on 8 campaign.

 

In January, Petrelis posted the names and phone numbers of the 16 members of the No on 8 executive committee. According to Petrelis's blog, Petrelis Files, he had to file a public records request with the Secretary of State to get the names. "Like practically everything [Equality California Executive Director Geoff] Kors and No on 8 touched, the closet and non-transparency ruled," Petralis wrote. 

Then said he hoped the executive committee, which included Kors, would spend the next year sweeping the streets of gay neighborhoods and participating in other acts of penance for wasting $45 million on losing gays the right to marry. Yep. This meeting could get very interesting.

It happens Thursday, February 26th, between 6:30 and 9 p.m. at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Pollster David Binder will present findings on the vote, and Cynthia Laird, the editor of the Bay Area Reporter, will lead the discussion. Apparently, she'll be ensuring accountability and objectivity, whatever the hell that means.

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Steam Bath: Downtown S.F. Denizens Duck Boiling Water as Workers Pump Pipes

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 1:54 PM

Boiling water, steam, and Scientology. Just another morning downtown.
  • Boiling water, steam, and Scientology. Just another morning downtown.
Downtown shoppers, commuters, and the ubiquitous statuesque blonde Scientology pamphleteers enjoyed the odors of a YMCA steam room and hopped over puddles of near-boiling water as steam workers pumped out flooded pipes today.

A pair of jumpsuited employees dodging traffic on Fourth and Market fired up a fire engine red electric pump roughly the size of a breadbox and a hose immediately responded with a persistant spurt of extremely hot water (trust us). The moist, super-heated atmosphere down below the manhole covers resulted in large clouds of steam billowing up from underground and enveloping the intersection.

The workers were simultaneously evasive and entertaining; when asked if they were pumping out flooded pipes one responded in a long, falsetto sing-song: "yeeeeeee-eeeeeessss!" The two wouldn't say who they worked for, but directed queries to the writing on the side of their truck: NRG Steam.

It may not be common knowledge, but a private company (not called PG&E) provides steam power to a two-square-mile section of downtown San Francisco -- that's roughly 170 buildings taking up 37 million square feet of space. Incidentally, this has been the case since the mid 1990s.

The flooded pipes are part of a 12-mile network weaving beneath San Franciscans' feet. See? Tom Waits was right. There really is a world going on underground.

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O'Reilly Spits Some Truth About San Francisco

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 12:52 PM

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Bill O'Reilly just can't get enough of San Francisco. Having recently exposed the dark truth about our city's treacherous streets and parks, O'Reilly cannot stop laying down the cold, hard, factoids. Just when we thought it was safe to skip blissfully through Golden Gate Park, scooping daisies from the verdant earth and arranging them in our unkempt, Dr. Bronners scented hair, O'Reilly is there to grab our ankles and just slam us face first into a wall of reality. That's right folks, suck on this one: San Francisco is the capital of political correctness. Even as we speak, the mayors office is probably taking steps to change the wording of government Web sites to reflect this. O'Reilly's proof? A "Hamas" protest that took place on the SF State campus. (Not to call into question the wisdom of O'Reilly's writers, but

shouldn't the copy read "Pro-Hamas protest," since we are to believe

that each and every single person attending this rally is a staunch

supporter of the organization and is not, in fact, assembling in order to protest

Hamas?) The video evidence reveals a group of people chanting "Free Palestine" and a brief, shakily documented tussle. Wake up and smell the smell of freshly brewed O'Reilly Brand Truth Coffee, hippie-terrorist-sympathizers!

Check out the transcript here.

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Gatorade Confirms What We All Knew: Bulk of its Drinkers Are Nursing Hangovers

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 10:30 AM

Rest assured, whatever tinkering the Gatorade folks have done, they haven't altered the familiar piss color
  • Rest assured, whatever tinkering the Gatorade folks have done, they haven't altered the familiar piss color
A long time ago, in a county far, far away -- well, Alameda -- your humble narrator read the entire Associated Press style guide in one sitting. I laughed out loud once and only once -- at the example of when and when not to capitalize the "o" in olympics: "He went on a beer-drinking Olympics."

That phrase is relevant now, regarding the redesigned and re-branded Gatorade bottles starting to hit San Francisco supermarkets. In short, a lot more of us are going on a beer-drinking Olympics than to the real Olympics, and Gatorade's latest rollout acknowledges this.

Along with dropping the "atorade" portion of its moniker -- the sports drink now will go just by "G" -- the company has come up with a bevy of snazzy product lines that marketing folks might describe as "urban" without having to explain more. Anyhow, Gatorade Fierce is now called "Bring It," Gatorade X-Factor is now "Be Tough," and Gatorade A.M. is now "Shine On."

Beyond new packaging and merchandising, the end result of all this is to justify and lure folks who have no need to drink Gatorade into drinking Gatorade. Let's start with the A.M. -- sorry, "Shine On." There is only one reason to drink Gatorade in the morning and that's for the deep-down body thirst brought about by a hangover. Clerks at several grocery stores I hit up today acknowledged that at least 50 percent of the folks buying the drink at their stores are either hung over or plan to be (You don't need to ask someone about their itinerary when the items on the conveyor belt are hard liquor, beer, and Gatorade). 

Gatorade's own marketing material conveys this message in a smarmy manner that just about breaks the unintentional hilarity gauge:

Continue reading »

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Tour of California Explained: Cycling ValHella

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 9:30 AM

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Part III of our explainer of California's new favorite sporting event. Read Part II here, and Part I here.

Q.
In  your installment about Tuesday's stage victor, Norseman Thor Hushovd, you said bike racing's low-impact training meant fewer injuries and greater athleticism. So is cycling a sportsman's Valhalla?

A. It's not. Unless you believe Odin rules a place where Einherjar are always on the verge of sickness, walk with great pain, live in constant risk of calamitous trauma, lurch from unhealthy starvation diet to starvation diet, have needles stuck into their bodies daily, and, if they're among those mid-level strivers reputed to ingest doping products without the aid of a 24-hour team physician, risk dying suddenly in their sleep.

While cycling's impact-free quality removes certain limitations from training, its high-stakes competitiveness leads professionals to push themselves up against limits unfamiliar to other sports. Cyclists typically train six hours a day, often at high intensity, pushing their bodies to  the point where immune systems break down. So a typical professional spends his days and nights obsessed with unwavering thermostat temperatures, never touching cold drinks, and taking other real and imagined precautions against the common flu -- a dreaded, ever-looming disease that, when it strikes, can force a season-imperiling, salary-decimating, lull in training. To minimize weight to be carried up mountain passes, cyclists diet constantly, further inviting illness.

Ignorant of this, a casual observer might imagine 2008 Tour de France champion Carlos Sastre a paragon of healthy living. Don't tell Sastre that. He's been riding the Tour of California with the flu, and by Tuesday had fallen more than half an hour off the race leaders' pace.

Because of the countless hours of mountain intervals, base miles, speed-work and other training, pro cyclists' time off the bike tends to be uncomfortable. Aching legs and backs cause cyclists to seek out chairs, couches, ledges, curbs -- any resting place offering relief from standing -- in the manner of the decrepit elderly. Elevators, never stairs; don't go for a walk if you can watch TV -- this is the top cyclist's creed.

This sort of mere crippling discomfort is actually a sort of luxury, enjoyed only by those racers who haven't been recently involved in a crash. By the end of an extended multi-day stage race, they're a minority; team hotels can become veritable trauma wards. 

Q: What about all the crashes?

Continue reading »

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As Second Potrero Hill Outhouse Smolders, Police Insist This Is Not Funny

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 8:59 AM

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An erudite citizen on the 400 block of Kansas Street called 911 at 10 minutes to midnight on Tuesday reporting "the glow of a fire." It turns out it was the immolation of outhouse No. 24. After preying on porta-johns in the Russian Hill and Nob Hill areas for months, the outhouse arsonist -- or arsonists -- had just burned their second toilet on Potrero Hill's Kansas Street in 72 hours.

News of the 23rd outhouse to go up in flames hit the internets with a bang this weekend. In fact, this local camera-wielding denizen put Jimmy Olsen to shame and got the whole thing on film (sadly, no fleeing suspect was caught in the shots or left his ATM card or other such convenience). For the record, immolation No. 23 was at Kansas and 15th at 4:25 p.m. -- broad daylight -- on Sunday. Now, it seems, any john is a potential arson target -- anywhere or any time.

In our discussions with police spokeswoman Sgt. Lyn Tomioka, we've been impressed that she can rattle off the dates, locations, and times-of-day for a series of outhouse torchings heading back into last month. She's the one we're worried about in the Police v. Media bar trivia contest. But in an article appearing in today's Examiner regarding the Sunday immolation, Tomioka saw fit to remind everyone how, whatever this string of arsons is, it is not funny

"Reporters thought it was quite humorous at first, but [the portable

toilets] belong to somebody and this is a company's livelihood, they

rent these things," Tomioka said, adding that multiple companies are

being victimized, along with construction crews. "What started out as

something people thought was quite humorous is actually quite serious."


Reasonable people can differ on what is and is not funny -- but when the New York Times -- the Times! -- pens an article titled "Vandals Create a Pungent Problem in San Francisco" in which a man is quoted as saying "It smelled horrible, horrible, horrible" -- this isn't funny? Even a little?

Let us paraphrase Tomioka a bit: Everyone thought it was quite humorous at first. Looking back, years from now, it probably will be again. But now? It's gotten old, it's gotten unoriginal, and with "Bring back booze and nudity to Bay to Breakers!"-types now clamoring for more outhouses, anti-authority types don't know what to think. So knock it off.  

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Grown-Ups, Brandish Your Crayons: Coloring Book Mag Coming to S.F. Comics Convention

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 8:10 AM

Think you can stay between the lines?
  • Think you can stay between the lines?

Most of us probably can't recall the last time we picked up a coloring book -- and let's face it, our childish efforts at employing chiaroscuro on Skeletor aren't likely worth remembering anyway. But not all adults have lost the taste for using crayons between the lines. A quick Google search reveals that all manner of grown-up coloring books are out there these days, the likes of which a child literally could never have imagined. (The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas, anyone?)

A novel strain in this publishing subculture will be featured at the comics convention WonderCon 2009, which takes place at the Moscone Center from Feb. 27 to March 1. The creators of Color Ink Book -- a coloring book periodical that just released its second issue -- are coming to San Francisco for the convention. Color Ink Book is the brainchild of two guys in Southern California, Adam Washburn, a 46-year-old plumber from Oceanside, and his brother Jason, who manages a comics store.

THE COVER OF COLOR INK BOOK'S FIRST ISSUE.
  • The cover of Color Ink Book's first issue.

"We compete with no one, because we're unusual and unique," Adam Washburn said in a telephone interview. "There isn't anything else like this out there." The Washburns are heavily into the low-brow art scene, from which most of the images in Color Ink Book are drawn. The brothers use a stable of regular artists, who supply black-and-white drawings to be colored in. "We wanted to do something different, set ourselves apart, and actually allow the fans to get involved in the artists' work," Washburn said. "Growing up, I remember that coloring books were a real blast."

We agree that it's a pretty cool idea, and markedly less creepy than some other takes on this most innocent of childhood pastimes. For instance, there's no disputing that the Roman Catholic Church's efforts to curb abusive priests with an anti-pedophilia coloring book for kids serves a worthy cause. But we can't help asking: Really?

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Local Audobon Society Looking for S.F. Volunteers: Collect, Count Dead Birds -- at 5 a.m.

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 6:30 AM

Chicago, before and after 11 p.m., when city skyscrapers nix unneeded lights to keep migrating birds from flying into buildings - ERIC FOGLEMAN, AUDOBON SOCIETY
  • Eric Fogleman, Audobon Society
  • Chicago, before and after 11 p.m., when city skyscrapers nix unneeded lights to keep migrating birds from flying into buildings
Second to Col. Sanders, flying into windows is the major cause of death for North American birds. The Audobon Society estimates it may claim 100 million or more of our feathered friends yearly.

Now they're hoping San Franciscans will help them count. At 5 a.m.

"They keep the streets pretty clean in downtown San Francisco and if we waited, they might wash away the carcasses," explains Mike Lynes, the conservation director at Golden Gate Audobon.
Chicago, before and after 11 p.m., when city skyscrapers nix unneeded lights to keep migrating birds from flying into buildings - ERIC FOGLEMAN, AUDOBON SOCIETY
  • Eric Fogleman, Audobon Society
  • Chicago, before and after 11 p.m., when city skyscrapers nix unneeded lights to keep migrating birds from flying into buildings

The dead bird count is part of the Audobon Society's push to document just how many birds are killed flying into the city's tallest downtown buildings -- especially at night. Those driving into San Francisco on the Bay Bridge are treated to the ethereally beautiful sight of the city's skyscrapers illuminated from within at night, but that same vision can be deadly for migrating birds. Lynes explains that, especially in foggy conditions (i.e., many days in San Fran), birds seem to confuse lights in glass buildings with the stars above and fly toward them.

Audobon has kicked off its local push for a program called "Lights Out for the Birds." Cities such as Toronto and Chicago have already adopted it, likely saving hundreds of thousands of nocturnally migrating birds -- and millions of dollars. Lynes notes that one plaza complex in Toronto reported that turning off the lights in evening hours saved it $200,000 yearly.

The owners and tenants of the city's 44 tallest buildings are being queried by Audobon about shutting off those lights (for that list of structures -- and heights -- click here: Tall buildings.doc.) Among the local species that could be saved by dimming or shutting off the lights: Warblers, sparrows, flycatchers, and shorebirds.

Interested parties should contact Lynes here.

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Ain't That the Mayor's SUV Blocking Two Handicapped Access Ramps and Crosswalks?

Posted By on Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 5:30 AM

One ticket for blocking a handicapped curb ramp? $250. Two tickets? $500. Being mayor and dumping your SUV wherever you like? Priceless
  • One ticket for blocking a handicapped curb ramp? $250. Two tickets? $500. Being mayor and dumping your SUV wherever you like? Priceless

Yesterday we wrote about how Mayor Gavin Newsom's taxpayer-funded Chevy Tahoe Hybrid gets awful mileage, is only marginally more efficient than a regular Tahoe, and costs scads more. We also noted that a would-be neighbor of the mayor's was rankled by the mayor's tendency, like those featured in Los Angeles police chase videos, to just leave his vehicle wherever.

The would-be neighbor is still irate, and he sent along this and other photos of the mayor's wheels. Ever the overachiever, Newsom has managed to block not one but two handicapped access ramps and crosswalks. And, just to  make the notion of  being "green" that much more ridiculous, it appears the mayor's driver is idling the SUV during Newsom's absence. To the city's credit, however, it appears the SUV is not parked on top of an actual handicapped person.

Judson True, the spokesman for the Municipal Transportation Authority, said the mayor's hybrid SUV has no record of receiving any tickets. Of course, if it did, that would mean a Parking Control Officer would have had to not only ticket the mayor, but hand the ticket to the police officer who drives his vehicle.

City disability advocate Bob Planthold wondered why the mayor and his staff couldn't simply create a dedicated white or green parking zone outside of Newsom's apartment that would solve this whole problem. "This shows they don't care about process. They just want to exert power and influence," says Planthold, a polio survivor who walks with the aid of crutches and braces.  

True notes that the mayor is not any more entitled to park illegally than you or I -- but adds that PCOs are not in the habit of ticketing cars with drivers sitting in them (fair enough; but they don't seem to be in the habit of ticketing the mayor, regardless). True has not yet answered one last SF Weekly's query: When one blocks not one but two curb ramps -- as the mayor has done -- can you get two $250 tickets and not just one?

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