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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Gigantic Putin Officiates at Presidential Inauguration, Climbs Kremlin

Posted By on Wed, May 7, 2008 at 12:02 PM


Pool photograph by Vladimir Rodionov

Standing a full 9-foot-7, outgoing Russian president Vladimir Putin presided over the today's inauguration of his favored son, Dmitry Medvedev. Putin's scene-stealing speech — he warned his foes they would soon have a size-30 boot in their asses — points to his continued hand (and foot) on the reins of government.

The inauguration (complete with a set of dwarf soldiers in adorable Crimean War-era uniforms sans gangrene) was an eye-opener for the West. Previously, we knew Medvedev was young (42) and loves Black Sabbath. Now we also know he's short — why, it's as if he'd fit right in Putin's pocket! Ho, ho ho!

In other news, The New York Times continued its arcane insistence on using middle initials: That'd be Vladimir V. Putin and Dmitry A. Medvedev. This, theoretically, clears things up for readers: "No, no, no, this is an article about Vladimir V. Putin. Not that other guy — we do get that a lot!"

Incidentally, the "V." stands for Vladimirovich; the "A." for Anatolyevich. That ought to clear things up.

— Joe Eskenazi

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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