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Monday, January 7, 2008

The Suckiest NFL Team in the Bay Area Is - The 49ers

Posted By on Mon, Jan 7, 2008 at 8:16 AM


Warning: If you’re a fan of a team in the playoffs and live in the Bay, you probably like the Patriots, and you’re a smegma-slurping poser; you might want to get that checked out by a professional. Who wants to root for winners when your team figures out embarrassing ways to lose nearly every week!

The Oakland Raiders

A whiz kid new coach, a returning defense that was top five in the league in ’06, and the first pick in the draft. Oh, how I love the smell of crushed hope. The whiz kid got whizzed on, the defense got run on, and the #1 pick didn’t play until late in the season and looked horrible. The Raiders put together another 4 – 12 season and coach Lane Kiffin is already losing decision-making battles to his geriatric master “Ironfist” Al Davis. I only see more suckageness from Raider Nation next season, and what I’d really like to see from the Raiders next year is another sixty-yard string of consecutive penalties (see week 16).

The San Francisco 49ers

Like their counterpart across the bay the 49ers started the season with hope, but ended it in one giant clusterfuck. A vastly improved 7 – 9 in ’06 made them hungry, then seven consecutive losses in '07 turned that hunger in the swollen malnutrition of a disabled third world child. The offensive line got beaten like Hillary in the primaries, and in turn, QB Alex Smith got hurt and whined for the better part of the season. Coach Mike Nolan's relationship with Smith degenerated into public shit-talking. Rookie linebacker Patrick Willis lead the NFL in tackles, too bad he couldn't help the O-Line, the worst in the last 25 years of 49er football.

Supersuckers of the Year:

I’d like to give it to the Raiders for consistent suckitude, but I have to give the trophy to 49ers for destroying all hope garnered the previous year. Congratulations 49ers!! YOU SUCK!!!


— Snitch Staff Report

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David Downs


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