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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Ten More Things Gavin Could’ve Done to Blow the Election

Posted By on Wed, Dec 5, 2007 at 8:59 AM

By Joe Eskenazi and Benjamin Wachs

In this week’s print edition of the SF Weekly, we revealed 15 actions that Mayor Gavin Newsom could have indulged in that would have led to his electoral downfall at the hands of Wolf, Chicken and Grasshopper’s zoo.

Well, we’ve all got Gavin to kick around for another four years. But maybe we wouldn’t have if he:


10. Personally bombed Iraq.

9. Forgot how to pander at exactly the wrong moment.


8. Lost his hair; employed a comb-over.

7. Grew a mustache, sported a brown shirt, rounded up “undesirables” and put them in camps on Treasure Island.


6. Proposed solving the homeless problem via cannibalism.

5. Grew a hideous goiter.


4. Held a martial arts tournament at City Hall to determine the greatest warrior in San Francisco, competed personally and was defeated by Liu Kang.

3. Spurned gay marriage; embraced gay divorce.

2. Fell prey to the Dan Noyes Death Squad.

1. Three words: Colostomy bag accident.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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