Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Monday, October 22, 2007

RaidersSuckNinersSuck: Week 7

Posted By on Mon, Oct 22, 2007 at 9:39 AM


By The Wook

Sunday, October 21, 2007:

KC def. Oak 12 – 10

NY def. SF 33 – 15

Chiefs at the Raiders – The Agony of Defense

The crushingly mind-numbing madness that constitutes a 12 – 10 game played out through three hours of commercial breaks and bad football reminds us all why we drink while watching the most popular sport in America.

This game was won by some small guy kicking four field goals, not by world-class athletes fighting for touchdowns, field goals for christ’s sake! If this was the kind of football game you wanted to see I strongly suggest going back to your home country.

The first half can be summed up with one word, underwhelming. The level of boredom dropped from “scissors in my eye” to “hard slaps to the face” in the second half with the injection of a handful of exciting plays. But just as it appeared that some folks on the field remembered how to play football, they degenerated back to the ineptitude of the previous quarters. Twenty minutes of horrible football and two KC field goals later, the Raiders were the losers of one of the most boring football games of the 21st century. The only upside was the Raiders defense shutting down an abysmal Kansas City team.

Raiders Suckages:

1.The Seat Warmer – Aside from two good passes Daunte was truly horrible in this game, including an interception in the closing minutes to seal his team’s fate.

2.The Offense – As a whole, these 11 guys played like girl scouts on heroin.

49ers at the Giants – A Comedy (Tragedy?) of Errors

This game contained more mistakes than [insert Iraq war joke here]. The 49ers played with the concentration of ferrets on meth, committing penalties and mistakes with abandon. The Giants were only slightly better in the concentration department, on the level of your average human tweaker, allowing the 49ers to stay in the game for much of the first half.

The 49ers were atrocious on all levels. Their offense vomited slews of penalties and turnovers. Their defense finally collapsed under the bloated carcass of the offense, allowing the Giants run all over the field. Every time the 49ers managed even a spark of light they violently stamped it out with some form of idiotic miscue. It has become painfully apparent that the most valuable player on the 49ers offense is punter Andy Lee.

One bright spot for the day was improved running from Frank Gore. Despite one fumbled hand-off exchange and limited attempts in a losing game, Gore was able to average over 6 yards per carry.

Niners Suckages:

1.Offense – The 49ers offense is so horrible it makes the corpse of Bill Walsh weep blood as he thrashes in his grave.

2.Offense – I can’t emphasize how bad these guys are, worst in the league.

3.Offense – One more time for good measure.

Overall Supersuckers:


49ers! It was close this week as the Bay Area unleashed a ravenous cloud of suck on the sports world, but the complete breakdown of all but the punting game puts the trophy squarely in the hands of the 49ers.

  • Pin It

Tags: , , ,

About The Author

David Downs


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"